Anxiety was a Gift

 

Have you ever seen a Persian rug? I mean a ‘real’ Persian rug. Not a knock off version you might find at your local cheap shop. I’m talking about the real deal. The world renowned Bijar rugs that are woven in the city of Bijar, located in the northeast of Iran, in the Kurdish province.

Bijar has been famous for its rugs since the time of the first Persian Empire in 5^th Century BC.

A genuine Bijar rug is a hand-woven Oriental rug, woven by Kurdish weavers in the city of Bijar, Iran using time honoured weaving techniques that are unique to this particular area.

They have often been dubbed the “Iron Rugs of Persia” because of their remarkable durability, able to withstand up to 200 years or more, of heavy use.

The reason for their amazing robustness is found in the way the rugs are made. The Bijar rugs are made using a technique called “wet weaving”, a technique not used anywhere else.

This technique involves compressing the strands of wool tightly between rows of knots. After each row of knots have been tied, the weaver then inserts a weft. The weft strands are the horizontal threads that are interlaced with the vertical warp threads that form the foundation of the rug.

The wet weaving process requires dampening the wool as it is woven, giving it a pliability it wouldn’t normally have.

After the weft has been inserted horizontally, a heavy metal comb or hammer is used to beat down the weft strands and the knots, creating a dense, tightly woven fabric that as it dries, shrinks somewhat, leaving a very compact, firmly constructed, strong, durable and long-lasting rug.

The dampening, the tightly formed knots and the heavy pounding are what gives the rugs their extreme durability and longevity.

So, how does any of this apply to us and our Christian walk?

God wants to turn us into his Bijars.

Yes, you read that right. God wants to use the poundings in our lives, the trials, the difficult seasons, the job losses, the cancer, the grief, the unexplained anxiety, the debilitating depression – to weave a divine strength into our hearts.

Just 5 and a half years ago, I was a different person than I am today.

For 6 months I fought an internal battle. An unexplained battle with depression, anxiety and panic attacks that literally took my breath away, threatening to take me out completely. It had made itself at home and nothing I could do seemed to shake it. Everything I tried failed.

But as I struggled along, fighting attacks of the devil, fighting within myself, crying out to God, letting my emotions overwhelm me, I began to let the Word of God wash over my soul. I began to read my Bible more. I began to pray like never before. I wrote out countless verses on little note cards and plastered them all over the place. I cried through more worship songs than I can count, I played the piano for our church through tears, eyes closed, the turmoil raging inside of me.

But while I was being pounded by waves of fear, while I struggled through days where I didn’t want to get out of bed, while I neglected friendships and often tried to put on a brave face hoping others wouldn’t notice, God was working. God was weaving threads of strength through my pain.

God was weaving a divine strength in my heart that would stand the test of time. He was using his iron tool to beat me down, but not with the intent of crushing me and rendering me useless. He was doing a purifying work, a work that would see me rise up stronger, more reliant on him, more compassionate towards others, more useful in his work and with a heart that desired him more than anything else.

By God’s grace, I did come through my period of trial. I had victory over anxiety. I had victory over fear.

With each day, I became increasingly stronger. My faith grew. God’s hammer of anxiety began to add a row of knots into the tapestry of my life, dampened with my many tears, the weft he wove added strength to my inmost being. And eventually, I realized that anxiety had no power over Christ. Fear had no hold on God. It couldn’t hold God and it couldn’t hold me.

I recognized that no matter what, Jesus would hold me. He wouldn’t let me go. He would continue to love me. To defend me. To keep me. He wouldn’t forsake me, and all my emotional needs were met in him. He was enough.

The fear that paralyzed me no longer held a deathly grip on me.

The depression that threw me into the dark abyss no longer overwhelmed me.

The cloud of anxiety that hung overhead was no longer there.

John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

But just because I was able to make it through this difficult season of my life, doesn’t mean I don’t find myself struggling with anxiety every now and then. It no longer has a hold on me, but I do feel its sting from time to time.

The difference is that the fear no longer paralyzes me. It doesn’t dictate to me my course of life. The peace that Jesus gave me then, I still have access to now.

All the verses of Scripture that I read over and over and the promises I clung to are still found in the pages of my Bible and they still apply.

I have more ammunition in my tool belt to fight off Satan’s attacks and I have a strength woven into my being that wasn’t there before.

So, when those moments of fear come upon me and I feel like I might go under, I rise up and hold onto what I learnt in those dark days. I cry out to God and remind him of his promises. I remember my past victories and I open my lips and praise him.

God wants to make us his Bijars. His rugs that stand the test of time. Durable. Strong. Still vibrant and useful after years of use. Beautiful works of art.

You may be in a season of pounding right now. God may be using things in your life to build strength and resilience and reliance on him.

You may be facing things in your life that make you wonder if you can even last another day.

You may be hammered by trials, by fear, by rejection, by insecurities.

Don’t resist his iron tools, his wetting of the fabric of your life, his tying of knots and weaving in and out. He is working to create a masterpiece. A work of art.

His pounding can bring new strength.

Romans 5:3-4 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

I never realised at the time that my anxiety was a gift. It felt like a cruel cross that I had to bear. But God used it to purify me and help draw me closer to him. He developed in me a love for him and his Word. He gave me a hunger and thirst for the Words of Scripture and a desire to study and grow in my relationship with him. He helped me to build a stockpile of promises I could cling to when times got rough.

He helped me to see the needs of others with a heart of compassion. He began to stir my heart to be sensitive to those around me and reach out and love others that needed a friend. He brought a peace to my heart that I had never known and a peace that could be a testimony to others of God’s goodness.

I am not the same person I was back then. I am being made more like Christ. Slowly but surely, through the trials God allows in my life, I am growing. I am far from perfect, but God is doing a work only he can do. He is cleaning out the things in my life that shouldn’t be there and replacing them with threads of various colours. Each line of weaving tells a different story. Each knot another tale. And the more I resist his workings, the uglier my tapestry becomes.

If I lay still under his hand, allowing his work to go on unhindered by my attitude and actions, he is able to create a masterpiece. Something that can show his glory and reflect his love. Oh, how I pray that I wouldn’t resist his workings and that I would submit to the hand of the master weaver.

Job 23:10 But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

Psalm 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

 

 

 

Blessings that bring a SMILE

 

Do you ever experience one of those moments where God is so good to you that you break out into a smile or possibly even laugh out loud?

I hope that those moments are numerous and that you daily find things to smile about and give praise to God for.

Just 2 days ago, I experienced a moment like this. Allow me to divert from my normal blog post writing to share it with you.

As I was going about my deliveries for the day, this particular day being absolutely crazy due to the excessive amount of freight that had come into the depo in my absence over the Christmas period, I was down to my last 3 drops for the day.

These deliveries were to take me 20kms out of town to our nearby RAAF base. The weather had been overcast all day with a couple of close calls of intermittent showers threatening to saturate the cardboard boxed freight bouncing around in the back of my trusty, old Triton ute.

As I prepared to leave the depo, I looked to the skies and saw some very ominous dark clouds in the direction I was to go.

I decided to risk it and head out anyway.

As I drove along, I began to pray and ask the Lord if he could just hold off the rain for the short time I needed to make my deliveries.

God is so good.

As I dropped off my last box and headed back to the highway intersection that would take me back into town, the heavens opened, and the rain poured down in torrents.

I immediately smiled and laughed out loud at God’s goodness. What an amazing God that he would hear such an insignificant prayer, prayed from a heart of faith and sincerity. That he would stop the heavens from sending down blinding rain, and keep my freight dry was a cause for rejoicing and brought a song of praise to my lips.

I was reminded of the many examples in Scripture where God answered the prayers of ordinary people, like you and me.

And then I began to think about my seemingly small prayer. I only asked for a break in the weather, but in actuality, it really was a big prayer. I asked God to stop the heavens from sending down their raindrops. I asked God to control the weather. For me. Just for me. Just for a short time.

And in hindsight, I realise that my asking was an example of this verse found in Psalms.

Psalm 81:10 KJV - I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt: open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

God wants us to pray BIG! He loves to answer big prayers. Remember the promise we read in Ephesians.

Ephesians 3:20 KJV - Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

God doesn’t just do and give what we ask or think, but He goes beyond. Over and above. He gives exceeding abundantly above.  We can’t even begin to understand what God can do.

There are many examples in the Bible of people praying BIG prayers. Take a look at Joshua.

Joshua 10:12-14 Then spake Joshua to the LORD in the day when the LORD delivered up the Amorites before the children of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel, Sun, stand thou still upon Gibeon; and thou, Moon, in the valley of Ajalon. And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. Is not this written in the book of Jasher? So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day. And there was no day like that before it or after it, that the LORD hearkened unto the voice of a man: for the LORD fought for Israel.

Do you realise that it was Joshua who asked for God to make the sun stand still? It wasn't that God just did it. It says that Joshua 'spake' and 'he said'. As in, Joshua asked God to make the sun stand still! Did you catch that? He asked for God to make the sun stand still? My mind boggles at his faith in God. For him to ask such an enormous thing of God with hope and expectation of receiving it! And God granted it!

Talk about praying BIG!

Then take Elisha for example.

2 Kings 2:9-14 And it came to pass, when they were gone over, that Elijah said unto Elisha, Ask what I shall do for thee, before I be taken away from thee. And Elisha said, I pray thee, let a double portion of thy spirit be upon me. And he said, Thou hast asked a hard thing: nevertheless, if thou see me when I am taken from thee, it shall be so unto thee; but if not, it shall not be so. And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that, behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven. And Elisha saw it, and he cried, My father, my father, the chariot of Israel, and the horsemen thereof. And he saw him no more: and he took hold of his own clothes, and rent them in two pieces. He took up also the mantle of Elijah that fell from him, and went back, and stood by the bank of Jordan; And he took the mantle of Elijah that fell from him, and smote the waters, and said, Where is the LORD God of Elijah? and when he also had smitten the waters, they parted hither and thither: and Elisha went over.

He asked a BIG thing and God granted his request. I would have loved to have been there as he smote the waters. I can just imagine the thunder in his voice as he cried “Where is the LORD God of Elijah?”. Ba Boom! And the waters parted, and he went on to do double the miracles that his predecessor Elijah did.

God really can and does answer prayer.

My little prayer of faith, that in reality was a big ask, was answered. And answered so perfectly that there was no doubt in my mind that God had orchestrated it with precision.

Jeremiah 32:17 Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee:

As Jeremiah says, there is nothing too hard for God. He delights in giving good gifts to his children. He loves to answer our prayers of faith. He longs to put a smile on your face and a laugh on your lips. He wants to hear your words of praise and rejoicing.

God answers over and above all that we ask or think. He doesn’t just answer, He ANSWERS! And He doesn’t just bless, He BLESSES! His grace and mercy are inexhaustible. Unfathomable. Immeasurable. Incalculable. Incomprehensible.

How good is God?

 

Psalm 27:13 KJV

 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.