Supercharge your gratitude

 and flip the switch on anxiety

 

While scrolling through reels on my phone recently, I came across a short piece on the effects that gratitude has on anxiety.

Now, because of my history with a short battle with depression, anxiety and panic attacks, my interest was piqued, and I decided to do a little research on my own.

What I heard was that the “brain cannot respond to anxiety and gratitude at the same time”.

Apparently, physiologically, our brains cannot respond to negative emotions (fear, anxiety, stress) and positive emotions (gratitude) at the same time. This means that it’s one or the other. We can feel anxious and other negative emotions, or we can feel grateful and experience the positive emotions that are associated with it. Not both at the same time.

With my limited knowledge of how the brain works, I discovered that our brain operates in either a sympathetic (fight or flight) mode or in a parasympathetic (rest and digest) mode.

“The purpose of the sympathetic mode is to protect us in life threatening emergency situations, so our body can respond quickly. The parasympathetic mode is our “rest and digest” mode, and this is the state we should be in most of the time.”

But due to our modern society and the pressures it puts upon us, the constant stressors in our lives can cause us to stay in the “sympathetic/fight or flight” mode.

According to research, the reason the brain cannot respond to anxiety and gratitude at the same time is because they are two different emotional states that are processed differently.

So, here’s the technical stuff. (Bear with me, I’ll get to the point and application soon).

The amygdala is a small part of your brain that has a big job. It is the major processing centre for your emotions. It also links your emotions to many other brain abilities, like memories, learning and your senses.

It is located on the sides of your brain, known as the temporal lobes and it is part of the limbic system.

Anxiety is associated with increased activity in the amygdala, while gratitude is associated with decreased activity in the amygdala. So, when we experience anxiety, the amygdala is activated, and when we experience gratitude, the amygdala is deactivated. So, it is very unlikely that your brain can respond to anxiety and gratitude at the same time.  

Researchers have found that when practicing gratitude, the amygdala’s activity is positively impacted. And on the flip side, when experiencing anxiety, the amygdala’s activity is negatively impacted. And because of their location, the brain can’t respond to them at the same time.

Because our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours are brain-based, both anxiety and gratitude are tied to activity in the brain and the production of neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin and hormones like cortisol.

We know that dopamine is our “feel-good hormone”. And when you express gratitude, it releases dopamine into your system and floods your body with endorphins, leaving you feeling uplifted and encouraged.

Anxiety is our body’s inbuilt wake-up call that alerts us to danger. When fear sets in, our body releases hormones that create the fight or flight responses and we react accordingly. But when the adrenaline rush begins, we don’t get much time to analyze the right or wrong choice.

And if we have created neuro pathways in our brains that are anxiety based, that is where we will go. We will feel insecure, doubtful and our coping mechanisms will begin to fail.

Our brains are conditioned to function in a repeated way. That’s why if you consistently train your brain to think negative thoughts, worry and fear, you will create ruts, that create a pathway or groove that has to be redirected and changed with positive emotions and thoughts, over a period of time, to allow you to naturally think on good things.

Philippians 4:8 KJV - Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

We really do have to retrain our brains.

Romans 12:2 KJV - And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

By consciously practicing gratitude, we can retrain our brain to focus on positive thoughts and emotions, blessings and the goodness of God, that helps move us into the restful parasympathetic state, which in turn improves our overall health and wellbeing, enabling us to be better servants of the Lord and bring honour and glory to his name.

Anxiety, fear and worry, along with the brain, train us to be on the lookout for the negative and for problems. We train ourselves to look at the glass half empty, not half full. And because we have trained our brains this way, we find them. We find problems. We don’t do it intentionally, but it is a habit that we form without really being aware, until our anxiety symptoms become overwhelming and begin to control our lives.

If you are always seeing the glass half empty, if you’re always finding fault in others, if you’re letting your thoughts dwell on your woeful circumstances and how life is treating you, then guess what? That’s right. You’re going to see more of what you think about because you have trained yourself to look at the negative and see the burdens.

You have carved out neuro pathways in your brain and trained it to react negatively. You have closed your eyes to the blessings, and your outlook is depressing and miserable. All you will see is the bad. You won’t even notice when God sends a small blessing because you’re too focused on what you don’t have rather than what you do.

But let me give you some good news. Gratitude works in a similar way, but opposite. There are numerous studies on the effects of gratitude on the human body, you have only to do a google search and you will find more positive side effects than you can imagine.

When we focus on the blessings rather than the burdens, we are happier. Our mood changes. Our sleep is better. Our energy levels rise. When we start thanking God for the things we usually take for granted, our perspective changes. We realize that we could not even exist without the merciful blessings of a righteous, holy, loving God. We begin to carve new pathways in our brains that activate the amygdala in a positive way.

Gratitude and anxiety can seem like an unlikely combination. But they have a genuine connection. They cannot co-exist.

Gratitude is a very powerful emotion and the effect it can have on anxiety is to be experienced to be believed.

Now, I am no doctor, but having lived through a period of anxiety that was so dark that it threatened to suck me down into its dark vortex with its insecurities, doubts, fears and worries and having then come out the other side, stronger, and with more tools in my belt than I went in with, I’m here to tell you that practicing gratitude works!

If you are suffering with anxiety and depression, don’t go off your meds and think that magically all will be well overnight. It takes time and it takes making gratitude a part of your regular routine to retrain your brain to refocus your thoughts and energies on positivity.

Now, I’m not talking about chanting a mantra day and night and sitting in a cross-legged position for hours on end. I’m talking about retraining your thoughts to make giving praise to God become second nature.

Gratitude is the solution to anger, fear, anxiety, stress, frustration, depression, apprehension, feeling overwhelmed and all sorts of other negative emotions. These negative emotions cannot be present when you have a grateful mindset. And you can’t have a grateful mindset, unless you have trained yourself to live that way.

Gratitude and anxiety cannot co-exist in the same space and at the same time.

Anxiety can feel like tightness in your chest or shortness of breath. It can suck the life right out of you. But gratitude can slow your breath down, bring peace to your soul and breathe new life into your very being.

As you practice gratitude, through giving thanks to God and others daily, by writing a daily gratitude journal, by singing praise to the Lord, by jotting down everything you have to be thankful for on a particular day, you will begin to develop the habit of gratitude and you will find that anxiety, fear, stress,  and depression will have less of a hold on you.

Now, don’t get me wrong, life won’t be a bed of roses, you will still have moments of fear and anxiety may threaten to overwhelm you once again, but by making a conscious choice to lift a sacrifice of praise up to God, even in the midst of your storm, you will find that anxiety and gratitude can’t live in the same space. One has to go and it’s your choice as to which it will be.

Hebrews 13:15 KJV - By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.

If you practice gratitude, you have a way to reduce anxiety and the overwhelming emotions.

When you feel anxious thoughts well up inside of you, whether you feel like it or not, choose to think of something you have to be grateful for, even if it doesn’t relate to your current circumstance. And don’t just think about it, praise God for it! And share it with a friend.

Remember, there is no expiration date on God’s blessings. You can still mention them in a prayer of thanks, no matter how long ago you received them and no matter where you find yourself and in what situation.

If you can make a habit of doing this, you will reduce the stress hormones that drag you down and your mood will lift. The problem may still be there, but your perspective will change. Your anxiety levels will decrease.

Start looking for things to thank God for. Intentionally search out the blessings in every situation. They are there. Believe me when I say that you WILL find them. You may have to pray that the Lord will open your eyes to them, and when he does, you will be amazed at the sights you see.

Look for evidences of God’s love. Look for his blessings.

Look for sunshine after rain. Look for flowers in barrenness. Look for rainbows even when the sky is dark. Look for seashells hidden beneath the sand. Look for the beauty in the colours of a sunset. Listen for the birds as they sing their praise to God. Listen to the thunder as it roars overhead and be reminded of God’s power. Listen for a child’s laughter and give thanks for the gift of life.

There is no limit to God’s goodness and there should be no limit to our thankfulness. Our voices should be always singing God’s praises. Don’t let a day go by without thanking God for something. Make a conscious effort to develop a heart of gratitude and watch how God pushes the anxiety and fear aside to make way for a heart of gratefulness.

Create new pathways in your brain for a river of gratitude to flow through.

 

Supercharge your gratitude and flip that switch 

from anxious negativity to joyful positivity!

 

 

 

Do we have to study together?

Sometimes when God lays something on my heart, I am not always sure whether or not I should share it. Often, the topic comes up again and again through conversation, or social media, and although it may seem clear, it is not always an indicator of the need to pursue it further in the form of a blog post. Sometimes, it is just something I need to think on and pray about and work on more.

But, after praying about it some more, I really feel like this is something I should share with you in the hopes that it will be an encouragement to you and a help in your walk with the Lord.

I am mainly speaking to wives or soon-to-be wives here, but please don’t let that stop you from reading as you may be able to pass it on to someone else and be a help to them.

I have been married for 28 years (this past May) and I have a confession to make.

My husband and I don’t do ‘devotions’ together. That’s right. We don’t have a time where we sit down on a daily basis, and study God’s Word together.

In the first few years of our marriage, life was so busy with little ones and church ministry that I didn’t really give it much thought. But as the years went by, I began to feel the guilt creep in.

I felt that in order for my husband to be the ‘spiritual leader’ in our home, he should not only be leading devotions with our children, but also taking time to study the Word with me.

Somewhere along the way, I don’t know where from, the pressure was felt that this was what all Godly Chrisitan couples should do.

In order for us to have a good and Godly marriage, we had to do our devotions together and learn together.

Now, hear me out. Don’t scroll away. Stay with me.

We, as a married couple, do need to be in the Word and we do need to speak of what we’re learning. We do need to ask questions and discuss the subjects we read in the Bible. We do need to make sure we’re on the same page in our doctrinal beliefs and theologies, we do need to be continually sharing what God is teaching us, but here is the mind-blowing part.

You don’t have to study together in order to achieve this!

You don’t have to physically sit down together, lay out your Bibles, notebooks etc and do a study together.

I read something recently that seemed to sum up what I had been thinking all along but wasn’t sure how to articulate it. It managed to clear up some questions I had in my mind.

Can I encourage you with some things to consider that were pointed out to me?

When it comes to studying with your spouse, did you realise that we all, not just the men, but all of us, have different learning styles?

Our husbands will almost inevitably not learn the same way as us wives. Yet, so often, they are expected to interact with their Bible and study the same way.

And often, the pressure comes from us. We think, that if they don’t have their notebooks out, their pens, their commentaries, their study books, that they are not studying. How can they possibly be studying by just reading their Bible? What? Without a highlighter in sight?

I jest, I know, but isn’t it the truth sometimes?

Take for example, me for instance. When I do my morning quiet time, I like to study with multiple books, my Bible, a pen, a highlighter, a notebook, my Bible app that allows me to look up the Greek and Hebrew words and preferably a cup of tea as well. Just the other day, my daughter remarked to me that she was sure my pile of study things was growing and encroaching on the kitchen bench space.

My husband, on the other hand, reads his Bible on his phone. Simple. Just like that.

Now, of course, if he is studying to preach or teach, he will most definitely have more resources, but just for daily reading, he doesn’t need all that stuff.

Different, yes. Wrong, no.

If you have children, you will know that they are different, and they learn differently. You only have to homeschool a firstborn and then begin to school the second born, and you will have your eyes well and truly opened to their different learning styles.

Then, why do we pressure our husbands, or why does our Christian culture pressure us to fit a mold God never intended us to fit?

You know, if we just took the pressure off ourselves and sought the Lord voluntarily, without being forced into it because of ideals placed upon us by others, we would feel so much more freedom in our study of the Word.

So, not only are our learning styles different, but so are our time schedules.

When you have little ones, or you or your husband have a full-time job, there is bound to be some time conflict. Let’s be practical here. If your husband starts work at 7 and needs to be up by 6 and you’ve been up most of the night with a newborn, sitting down at a quarter past 6 in the morning to study the Word together is not going to work.

On the other hand, maybe you’re an early bird and he’s a night owl and the times you find yourself most alert and awake are at different ends of the day.

Let me just say something here to the ones who are going to jump up and down about ‘having’ to spend time with the Lord in the morning or you’re disobeying scripture.

Yes, it’s good to be in the Word before you start your day, but the Bible also says to be in the Word at different times of the day and to meditate on it.

Psalm 1:2 KJV - But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

Joshua 1:8 KJV - This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.

Psalm 55:17 KJV - Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.

It’s not about what time of day you read the Word, it’s about whether you’re in the Word at all! It’s all about how often you are in the Word. It’s about your personal relationship with the Lord.

Your time with the Lord should be a blessing and a joy and it should be done when you are most alert and able to take in what you’re reading. Whether that is morning or night is immaterial. What is important is that you take the time to do it. So, don’t beat yourself up about it, don’t make excuses. Find a time that works for you and just do it!

Seeking God and being in his Word is not and should not be a chore. It shouldn’t be a checklist. Yes, if you’re following a reading plan, you will check it off your list, but if you are only reading to colour in the squares for some continuity, then you’ve got it all wrong.

We should be studying the Word because we love it and its author.

Psalm 119:97 KJV - O how love I thy law! it is my meditation all the day.

So, back to this topic of joint devotions. I think the important thing is that you and your husband are studying the Word of God separately, and then bringing up what you’re learning in general conversation, over coffee and on the road or as you lay in bed at night.

I am sad to say that for too many years I didn’t have the desire to dig deeper into the Word and so denied my husband the joy of sharing precious truths and deeper thoughts found in Scripture. But I am well and truly making up for that now.

We have had some really good, long conversations on the road when the truck run is hours and hours long. We have spent time discussing hard topics over coffee. We’ve talked over questions I have in regard to a lesson I’m teaching while we lay in bed at night.

In doing this, and by discussing our faith, we are sharpening one another and learning from one another and teaching one another without the burden of feeling pressured to study together at a set time or place.

So, listen up wives. If you are pressuring your husband to have ‘devotions’ with you in order to be the strong, spiritual leader you want him to be, then stop it. Just stop it. Lay aside your ideals of how you think he should seek God and let him seek God his way.

Yes, you should be concerned if your husband is not in the Word at all, but no amount of nagging is going to help that situation. Prayer and faithfulness to him and to the Lord will be the thing that draws him back to God.

Don’t try and make him fit into your mold of learning and studying, don’t put unrealistic expectations on him and you will both be happier, and you just might find that you have deeper conversations on spiritual things then ever before!

And to the young ladies out there, still waiting for your knight in shining armour to appear and carry you off on his splendent white steed, don’t build up an idea in your mind of what married life should look like and how you are going to pour over the Scriptures together every morning as you sip your morning lattes, candles burning dimly, soft music playing, pens and highlighters in attendance, pretty notebooks laid out neatly. You will be in for a rude awakening.

Find a man who has a heart for God, a love and desire for God so strong that you have to run to catch up. And then, let him study the Word of God his way. Give him the freedom to take joy in his personal study and let him open up to you in his time. If you let him dig into the Word on his own, he will be better able to discuss things with you as he will have had all the time in the world to process what he’s learning and be better able to share it with you.

We are all, as believers, in this process of sanctification and we are all a work in progress. Stay faithful to God, learn from him, talk to him, read his Word and let God do the work in your husband. Release him from the pressure to be the ideal spiritual leader. Most probably, he already is. You are just too blind to see it because of your expectations.

Be the woman God wants you to be and let God work on everything and everyone else! Husband included!

Ephesians 5:22-27 KJV - Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

 

 

 

 

 

It matters who your friends are

 

Have you ever thought about how important the friends you choose to have in your life are? Have you ever stopped to think about why your circle matters and how it affects your life? Do you realise that who you surround yourself with and who you let pour into your life matters?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this subject of community. I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about friendships and the influences they have on my life.

There are some beautiful pictures of friendships in the Bible. We remember the love that David and Jonathan shared for each other as brothers and friends. (1 Samuel 18:1). We read of Paul and Timothy and Epaphroditus in the book of Philippians. Companions, fellow soldiers, brothers. We are encouraged by the loyalty of Ruth to her mother-in-law, Naomi. (Ruth 1:16,17). We see Jesus, Mary, Martha and Lazarus sharing in fellowship and friendship together (Luke 10:38) and the faith of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego standing together for Christ, despite the threat to their lives. (Daniel 3:23)

There are so many examples of friendship in the Word of God that it’s obvious that God desires for us to have friends, to make friends, to be a friend. We were built for community. We were built for relationship. Not only with God, but with others also.

God gives us friends to encourage and exhort us. They can help to remind us of God’s goodness and help lift us up when we fall. We are also to be as iron sharpening iron.

Proverbs 27:17 KJV - Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.

We need friends that are honest with us. Friends that help correct us when we’re wrong. Speaking the truth in love.

It’s so important that we are there for each other. Yes, Christ is the only one that can meet all our emotional needs, but often, we need something or someone tangible to hold on to. Someone physically present that we can cry with or laugh with. God never planned for us to go through life alone.

Thinking of friends and why they matter, makes me think of a passage in scripture that so beautifully portrays the picture of a strong, healthy friendship.

In the Gospel of Mark, we read the amazing story of a group of four men, who had such compassion for their crippled friend, that they went to great lengths to see him healed.

Mark 2:1-5 KJV - And again he entered into Capernaum after some days; and it was noised that he was in the house. And straightway many were gathered together, insomuch that there was no room to receive them, no, not so much as about the door: and he preached the word unto them. And they come unto him, bringing one sick of the palsy, which was borne of four. And when they could not come nigh unto him for the press, they uncovered the roof where he was: and when they had broken it up, they let down the bed wherein the sick of the palsy lay. When Jesus saw their faith, he said unto the sick of the palsy, Son, thy sins be forgiven thee.

Have you ever thought about what it took for those 4 men to physically bring their friend to Jesus?

Not only did they have to carry him on a stretcher, possibly quite a distance, but they had to press through crowds of people and then, climb a flight of stairs, onto a roof, physically pry the rooftop apart with their bare hands and lower him down, with the aid of ropes I’m guessing, muscles sore, backs aching, most probably worn out, all in order for Jesus to see him and have compassion on him and heal him from his disease.

This not only took love for their friend, but it took great faith. They didn’t even have a promise of healing, only a hope.

Mark 2:5 KJV - When Jesus saw their faith, he said unto the sick of the palsy, Son, thy sins be forgiven thee.

Jesus healed a paralyzed man because of his friends faith!

You can’t tell me that your friends don’t matter!

Are your friends pulling you away or drawing you to Christ?

What is your criteria for choosing friends? Is it just someone who makes you laugh? Or maybe someone who will listen to you and respond to that text immediately or drop everything to be with you in your time of need.

Those things are great, and friends like that are priceless, but do they draw you to Christ? Are they continually reminding you of who you are in Christ, do they have a heart for God and for others? Are they happy to talk about the things of the Lord and always seem to bring him up in general conversation? Do they seek to help you and pull you up when they see you straying? Are they an encourager?

We might think that our friendships are random. We just happen to go to the same church. We just happen to move to a certain neighbourhood. But God is in charge of the details in our lives. He controls those little things like putting you in the same church. The same school. The same neighbourhood. He plans these things. There are no coincidences.

He brings people across our paths and causes friendships to blossom, knowing full well what affect it will have in our lives. He knows the strengths and weaknesses of us all and he knows just what we need and when we need it.

True friendship is an awesome display of God’s care for us. He cares enough to allow people to come into our lives that will bless us and encourage us and love us. He gives us a support system that is physically present. He even sends those somewhat ‘prickly’ friends that seem to be there to call us out and hold us accountable. Those are necessary too.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 KJV - Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

Proverbs 27:9 KJV - Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel.

We really do need each other. Outside of Jesus, relationships are the greatest gifts we have on earth and also some of the most difficult parts of life.

Built within each and every one of us, is a pattern for experiencing an intimate relationship with God and then expressing that love to each other.

Community is important. And finding your people and fellowshipping with them is important. It’s important to God, and it should be important to you!

We need people and we need community. We need a network of regular people who are present in our daily lives. People who care and are concerned for our spiritual well-being. People who want to have deep conversations about the Word of God and what God is doing in their lives. People who are not content just to meet up once a week to listen to a sermon and sing a few songs.

We need invested friends. We need to surround ourselves with people who have the potential to make us better. People who will hold us accountable. People who are devoted to growing in their spiritual walk and are unashamed of the gospel.

And we need to be that friend to others.

Your circle really does matter. Will it be your friends faith that is what brings about your healing?

Sometimes, our faith is so weak, that we have to borrow some off a friend. We borrow strength, we stand stronger because we know our friend is strong and is there cheering us on, encouraging us to keep in the race, persevere, strive for the prize.

For many years, I didn’t have close friends, simply because I didn’t think I needed them. I was content and didn’t see the importance in building strong friendships. But all that changed when I went through one of the hardest times in my life and I looked around, and the support I so badly needed, was sadly lacking. Because of my failing to cultivate relationships with healthy friends. Yes, there was my very patient husband and family, but what I also needed was a circle of friends that would bring me to Jesus. I needed their faith and their love and their support.

Please, learn from my experience, and don’t neglect building friendships with the people in your lives that God sends your way. I have since made friends with the most unlikely people. People I thought I had nothing in common with. People I thought I would never share my heart with and laugh and cry with. You really never know until you try.

Yes, you will have heartache and there will be bumps along the road. But had it not been for the paralysed man’s friends, he might never have been healed and had his sins forgiven.

With God’s help, we can weather the storms of life and our circle of friends can be right there alongside us, as a reminder of God’s love and goodness.

If we choose to surround ourselves with the wrong friends, we will be pulled down and away from God. We have to be discerning and ask God for wisdom, even to the point of whether or not to pursue a friendship beyond the casual.

Friends matter.

Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.

 

 

Proverbs 18:24 KJV - A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.