Don’t stand in his way. 

Ride alongside him.

 

Many years ago, I wrote an article titled, “Western Woman”. In it, I discussed the importance of being a Godly helper and encourager to your husband. I mentioned the term, “she was a woman to ride the river with”, something often written in Western novels. If you’re not familiar with the phrase, in a nutshell, it basically means being a woman that a man desires to have by his side. Not trailing along behind, begrudgingly, not blazing a trail out ahead, but just steadily staying by her husband, day by day, being there, being present, encouraging, loving, and being his greatest cheerleader for all his ventures and plans, no matter how crazy they are.

I’ve been doing a little reading recently on the subject of knowing your purpose in life and today I was reminded once again of the importance of not only knowing your own purpose but also being ‘a woman to ride the river with’ when it comes to your husband’s purpose.

Do you realize that whatever God has called your husband to be or do, he has also called you to support it and be a part of it?

Now, at this point in your husband’s life, he may not know what his purpose is. He may have lost his way a little and is struggling to know what God would have him do. Men have a lot of pressures on them and husbands and fathers more so. They have the responsibility of leading their families and providing for them. They are and should be the main decision maker in the home and that burden often weighs very heavily on them.

I don’t care what the world says in regard to this, God laid out the chain of responsibility very clearly in the Bible and he doesn’t want us to change just because society dictates that we should!

If your husband is struggling with knowing his purpose, then get on your knees and begin to pray earnestly for him. Ask God to show him clearly what his purpose is. Remind him of who he is in Christ and that God created him for a higher purpose.

When God calls us, he also enables us. Maybe what God is calling him to do looks like an impassable mountain to him. That’s where you come in. Don’t let discouragement defeat him. Cheer him on. Let him know that you are with him and praying for him. Remind him that you trust him and that you know that with God’s strength, he can move that mountain.

I've seen too many men who have longed to climb out on what to their wives, looked like a shaky limb, longing to try something new, excited about God’s calling, only to be held back by a wife that offers only arguments and advice on why it won't work, and why she doesn't want to be involved.  Sure, husbands can make wrong decisions (leave that to God to deal with, you are not God!), but the wife is making an ill-fated choice when she fails to ride alongside her man, as he rides into the unknown.  He is forced to either give up the venture or go it alone, without his God-given help meet.

Whatever God has called your husband to do, he wants you to be a part of it. Sometimes that simply means praying and encouraging him. It may mean creating a beautiful atmosphere in the home, raising the children, home schooling them, just being there for him so that he can focus more on his purpose. But other times, it may mean becoming an active partner and getting your hands dirty, learning a new skill, showing hospitality to others even though you may be an introvert. Working alongside him and doing things you didn’t think you could do.

Don’t forget, God does not ask you to forget about your own calling and purpose. God has called you to something too. But whatever it is, it will fit in with what your husband’s calling is. The two will not conflict. God is a God of order not confusion and he wants you and your husband to work together towards a common goal. Even though your callings may be different in the way they manifest themselves, they will line up with each other.

Often times the purpose God has called your husband to may be frightening and daunting to you and you have to step out in faith, with fear and trembling. Many a man has had his dreams and passions squashed by an unwilling wife, throwing a wet blanket over the fire that burns inside him.

We, as wives, need to learn to get excited with our husbands when he learns his purpose and sets out to fulfil God’s calling upon his life. We have to stop our incessant questioning and jump up beside him, cheering him along, praying, encouraging, helping, loving.

Now, there's nothing wrong with being a little afraid and somewhat sceptical about a seemingly crazy new venture, but that's where we get on our knees before God and pray harder and ask the Lord to give us wisdom to be the help meet he made us to be and to be supportive in every way we can.

Please don’t think that I’m calling all wives to be doormats and walk with heads hung down, bottom lips drooping, resigned to a life of misery, unwillingly being dragged along behind our husbands, feigning submissiveness.

Quite the opposite! If you know your Bible at all, you will know that we, as wives, are to be submissive to our husbands and he is to love us, as Christ loved the church. But submission doesn’t mean weakness.

We can learn to walk joyfully beside our husbands as we trust the Lord to lead him and as we pray fervently for him and for God’s guidance. The more you love your husband, and the more he loves you, the more you will trust his leading and the easier it will be for you to submit to him.

Our marriages can become stronger as we forge unbreakable bonds between each other through teamwork and shared burdens and blessings. Did you notice the word ‘shared’? We have to share in our God-given purposes and callings. We are to be building and strengthening each other as we work alongside one another, encouraging and helping. Developing common interests and goals. Learning to love what they love. Learning to get excited about what excites them. Cheering them on and rejoicing with them as they see their purpose grow and develop and change as God leads.

God has ”saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began” 2 Timothy 1:9

It’s not our purpose. It’s God’s purpose. It’s his plan we are to follow.

God has a purpose for your life, and he has a purpose for your husband too. When God shows him what it is, be all in! Be present. Get on board. Hop up alongside him and ride that trail with him, determined to stay by his side, being the encourager and helper God has called you to be. Don’t bail out part way through. And when you know your own purpose, be assured that God has a way to have both of your callings working together in perfect harmony in his perfect timing.

Our ultimate goal is to bring glory to God, and what better way to do it then to show the world a united front between husband and wife, seamlessly working together, sharing in their dreams and passions, likeminded and loving every minute of it!

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 - Wherefore also we pray always for you, that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfil all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work of faith with power: That the name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in you, and ye in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

 

DON’T STAND IN THE WAY OF YOUR SPOUSE GROWING IN HIS PURPOSE. ENCOURAGE HIM TO FOLLOW AFTER GOD AND PURSUE THE DREAMS GOD HAS PUT IN HIS HEART!

 

 

 

 

 

What is more important?

 

Charles Spurgeon was once asked, “What is more important: prayer or reading the Bible?”. His reply was, “What is more important: breathing in or breathing out?”

Well, we all know the answer to that. Both. We need to breathe in, and we need to breathe out. Inhale. Exhale. We can’t have one without the other. Otherwise, we’d be dead.

And so it is with prayer and reading God’s Word. We need both.

We need God’s Word for instruction.

2 Timothy 3:16 KJV - All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

And we need prayer for communication with God. For intercession. For supplication. For more things than I have time to list here.

1 Chronicles 16:11 KJV - Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually.

I want to take a look at why both of these things, prayer and Bible reading, are equally important in the life of the Christian who wants to grow in their spiritual walk.

Firstly, why is prayer so important in our walk with God? The easy answer and in reality, the only answer we should really need is: it is commanded in Scripture. We have many examples of Godly men and women in the Bible praying and its importance is spelled out very clearly in the Word of God. Even the Lord Jesus prayed to his Father.

Prayer is our communication line with God.  Have you ever truly stopped to think about how amazing that is? We, in all our sinfulness, have a direct line, to the Creator of the Universe. At any time, we can cry out to him in prayer. And he hears us. 24/7. Any time of day or night. Stop and let that sink in for a minute.

Not only is it commanded as a duty of the Christian, but prayer is so beneficial as it helps deepen our relationship with God. It helps us to grow. As we commune with God and he speaks to us through his Word, we grow closer to him.

Here are a few more reasons prayer is so important.

Prayer increases our faith – As our prayers are answered, we have more faith and trust in God. Our faith grows each time we have an answer to prayer. We put our trust more fully in God. We can look back at our lives and past victories and we are able to see his hand and grow in our confidence of him.

Prayer gives us a place to unload our burdens – We have someone who truly cares and will not be overwhelmed with whatever we bring to him. When we unload on our husband or friends and family, sometimes it’s all too much. We, as humans, are not built to carry all our burdens. God tells us to bring our cares to him. He is big enough to handle them.

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Prayer teaches us that God is always near

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Oswald Chambers said, “The purpose of prayer is to reveal the presence of God equally present all the time in every condition”

We know that God is always listening, and his ears are open to our cries. He never places us on hold or mutes us or ignores us.

Prayer trains us not to panic – Turning to God as your default move, helps replace the tendency to panic. We can rest in him. We can rely on his strength.

Prayer changes lives – Prayer will change us. It will have a flow on effect and help to change others’ lives. God gets all the glory for this. People say ‘prayer changes things’, but it’s not entirely accurate, prayer changes lives, it changes us, which in turn changes things.

Prayer in its simplicity is basically talking to God. It’s talking to a trusted friend. If I only talked with my husband between 7 and 8 pm on a Wednesday night and maybe a few minutes on a Sunday morning, how well would I know him? What kind of a relationship would I have? But often, that’s how we approach prayer. A few minutes at a prayer meeting, before a meal and maybe at a Bible Study.

Prayer has to play a bigger part in our lives than that! Prayer is vital in building our relationship with Christ.

In I Thessalonians 5:17, we are told to pray without ceasing. This doesn’t mean we are to pray every minute of the day, as that wouldn’t be practical, but it means to have a continual attitude of prayer. A prayerful spirit.

“When prayer becomes your immediate reflex instead of your last resort, the whole battlefield begins to tilt your direction”

When our minds are disengaged, like when we’re going about our daily chores. Cleaning the bathtub, sweeping the house, or hanging the washing, our thoughts can go to prayer instead of frustration or anxiety. We can praise God and talk to him at these times. We can continually be lifting up our prayer to God all the day long.

I have barely scratched the surface on the subject of prayer, but I want to also stress the importance of reading God’s Word. Breathing in. Breathing out. Prayer and Bible reading. They go hand in hand.

We not only need to pray but we need to spend time in God’s Word. We need to listen to the Lord as he speaks to us through his Word. It’s not enough to spend time in prayer, we need to have a desire for the Word of God. We need to long to hear from him from the pages of Scripture.

1 Peter 2:2As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:

We need to desire God’s Word just as a baby desires milk. Hungrily. Impatiently. Always wanting more. Never quite satisfied. There are so many Bible study books, commentaries, handbooks, apps and resources to help us in the study of God’s Word. They are only tools to use, and we have to be discerning in our choice of them, but they can be very useful. I have learnt a lot over the years from others’ study of the Word of God and their insight into passages of Scripture.

Obviously, the best time to study the Bible is during your own personal quiet time with the Lord. A time set aside that you spend with the Lord, alone, letting him speak to you and spending time talking to him in prayer.

Our effectiveness for God requires times of solitude. The impact you have on you family and on others will be in direct proportion to the time you spend away from people and with God. Time with God is so important for our spiritual development, and it is never wasted.

As well as saying ‘no’ to things that are wrong and sinful, we have to learn how to say ‘no’ to pleasant, profitable and good things that may hinder our time alone with God. I don’t think I need to elaborate on what those things are, as they will be different for each person.

And when we talk of a quiet time we are talking of a state of rest or calm, free from noise or disturbance, still, hushed, not turbulent, not excited, anxious or wrought up, but calm and peaceful. Yes, all words that are usually the opposite of our days, but not entirely impossible.

It’s so easy to fail at a regular quiet time with the Lord. For years I struggled with making time for Bible study, I think partly out of laziness, but also out of ignorance in thinking I had to have an hour of time set aside. And so, I gave up before I even started. God knows all about our life and he understands if we only have 5 minutes to spare. It’s what’s in our heart that matters.

Seasons of life change and our quiet times change. We need to remember that it’s the relationship we are working on. Not a strict schedule. It’s a time to draw apart with God. A time to talk with him, learn of him, grow in him. A time to deepen our knowledge of the Lord. To fellowship with him. To worship him. Your quiet time is a time for your own personal growth. This is not family devotion time. This is a time for you and the Lord only. It may have to be several small snippets throughout the day or one large chunk if you are blessed with being able to do that.

As mothers and wives and women who want to deepen our relationship with the Lord, we have to get creative with how we arrange our time in order to put God highest on the priority list.

My grandmother always had an open Bible on her bread bin in the kitchen and every time she had a spare moment or was working on that particular kitchen counter, she would read a few verses. She was way before the time of audible Bible apps and recordings.

For me, if it’s an early start and I am not able to sit and study while I eat breakfast, I’ll have my Bible app play as I get ready for work in the morning. I listen to the Word of God being read aloud and try and take in as much as I can and then meditate on what I’ve heard until I can come back and do further reading and study.

It’s not a one size fits all and you’ll have to find what works for you. The important thing is that you set aside time for it.

Both prayer and Bible reading are crucial in a growing Christian’s life and if we neglect either of these things, we are crippling our spiritual walk and could quite possibly be hindering our own families because of it. The example we set is important and we will not be fruitful if we are not tending to our relationship with God.  

WARNING: Don’t substitute activity FOR God, for a relationship WITH God. 

It’s easy to be busy in the work of the Lord, with our programs and ministries, but if we are just rushing madly about, serving him, without spending time in prayer and Bible study, we might as well quit. We will stay stagnant and stunted in our walk, and we will not have the power of God in our ministries or the blessings that go along with a heart that is devoted to Him.

Make sure that prayer and Bible reading are equally important in your life. Don’t think that you can have one without the other and still grow. You need both.

If you don’t have your Bible open, don’t expect answers to your prayers.

And if your voice is silent, don’t expect to gain understanding as you read.

 

When we pray, we speak to God; But when we read, he speaks to us.

 

 

 

 

 

God-Confidence vs Self-Confidence

For some time now, I have had it on my heart to write something on the subject of Motherhood. Years ago, when I was a young mother, I thought that God would lead me into a ministry that helped other mothers. A place where I could teach, advise, help, encourage and support other women in the same season of life that I was in.

As is so often the case, I thought I had it all figured out, as a young wife and mother, because my children were well behaved, for the most part, my house was always tidy, I baked good wholesome meals and made all my snacks from scratch. I sewed lovely dresses for my girls and braided their hair with some skill. I had so much to offer in the way of teaching others how it should and could be done. Or so I thought! Oh, how wrong and how self-righteous I was! God saw my heart and the pride that lay deep beneath the surface.

God never did let me venture very far onto the path I had planned for myself, he knew I needed many more years of growing, humbling, learning, experience, failures, heartaches, trials and testings.

There were occasional times I was able to give some advice and share ideas that were a help to another young mother struggling in her marriage or child-raising, but mostly, God had me just putting one foot in front of the other, home-schooling my children, serving and loving my husband, teaching Sunday School, using my talents and abilities to honour God. Trusting him, waiting on him, learning from him.

I didn’t get those opportunities to speak and teach and write on the subject of motherhood and marriage like I had hoped, and I have come to realise that God had a better plan for my life, as he always does, and that he wanted me to wait. He knew that I needed God-confidence, not self-confidence.

You see, I was pretty confident in my ability to be a mother and a good helpmeet to my husband. I was impressed at my own skills in keeping house and training my children to speak kindly, sit quietly, be respectful, cook and clean. But I can see, in hindsight, that a lot of my confidence was in myself and my abilities.

I had neglected to develop my God-confidence. I needed to learn to depend completely on God and his strength.

Psalm 118:8 - It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.

What I had done was to become confident in my own abilities, somehow deluding myself into thinking it was all my own doing.

1 Corinthians 10:12 KJV - Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.

God, in his goodness, had to strip away a lot of that confidence, through sickness and failure and times of humbling. He had to tear away the pride that I had clothed myself in, revealing the real me, what lay underneath, a woman in need of God-confidence. I needed the confidence that only he could give. I needed a wholehearted trust and dependence on him. None of me, all of him.

I needed to come to myself, as the prodigal son did in the pig pen, realising his need of rescue, I had to get to the point where I couldn’t do all those things I had boasted in (if only in the hidden places of my heart) and I had to depend on him completely, no longer could I do it in my own strength, I needed a Saviour, a stronger, trustworthy hand to hold on to.

Jeremiah 17:7 KJV - Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.

God-confidence has to begin with a personal relationship with him.

The first thing you need in order to work on your God-confidence, is to be one of his children. If you haven’t taken that first step, then stop reading now. Find a Christian brother or sister you trust and learn what you need to do to have eternal security and a home in Heaven.

Being one of his children is not enough to build your God-confidence. It can’t stop there. You also need prayer. You need to become a woman of prayer. One who comes to God on a very regular basis, crying out to him, bringing all your cares to him. Not just the big issues. God wants you to bring everything to him in prayer. Nothing is too big or too small.

Philippians 4:6 KJV - Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And secondly, you need to be in the Word of God. It’s not enough to listen to the Pastor preach on a Sunday morning. You need to develop your own quiet time. You need to set aside times where you dig into the Bible for yourself. You can’t expect to be spoon fed as a Christian if you want to grow.

You have to meditate on scripture, search it out, explore the context, the meaning of the words, the who, the what, the why.

Don’t be content to read a quick devotional, listen to a short sermon, attend a monthly Bible Study or takes notes from the sermon on Sunday morning.

While these things are good, they should never replace your time alone with God. You can’t just live off the crumbs that fall from the table. You need to eat directly from God’s table.

Even the Lord Jesus took time to get away in a solitary place and spend time with God. If a perfect and sinless Saviour felt the need to spend time with God, shouldn’t we? We, as sinful and undeserving but forgiven and redeemed children of God, should desire above everything to spend time in his presence, learning how to live and following his example.

Use what resources you need in order to grow in your knowledge of God, making sure that they line up with the Word of God. There are so many resources at our disposal that we have no excuse for not trying to gain an understanding of a particular passage of scripture.

And if you are a young mother reading this, please don’t despair. I was once where you are right now. My days were filled to overflowing with hungry babies, energetic toddlers, home-schooling meltdowns (by me as well!), mounds of washing, dirty dishes that seemed to reproduce, messes on the floor that needed attending to, food to be made and the list goes on. So, I do know where you’re at. I feel your pain.

But I want to encourage you to do something that regrettably, I didn’t do well or consistently, and that was making time for Jesus. Coming to his table and feasting on the beautiful spread he had laid out. I was content sitting on the floor and feeding off the scraps that fell.

No one else’s walk with God, or quotes or devotionals will ever replace God’s presence and experiencing it for yourself.

Yes, it takes sacrifice. It takes a conscious choice to put down something urgent you’re doing, for something more important – sitting at the feet of God, just as Mary did, when there was work to be done. She realised the importance of sitting in his presence.

Luke 10:42 KJV - But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

However and whenever you choose to arrange your quiet time is not the issue. The issue and the important part is actually doing it! If it’s only 5 minutes of solitude that you can find in your chaotic day, then so be it. Make wise use of those precious 5 minutes.

A saying that I read many years ago, has always stuck with me and maybe it will now live in your mind too, rent free, as a good reminder:

“Something is better than nothing, and always aim for more”

God knows exactly what season of life you find yourself in and his grace is fathomless. If you can carve out only 5 minutes of focused time to spend in prayer and in his Word, then he will bless that time and multiply it as the seasons change. Don’t give up. Just be faithful. Start small and be consistent. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, or you will fail before you even start. And don’t beat yourself up comparing your spiritual life and walk with others around you. God knows your heart.

If you are doing better spiritually than you were last year, then progress has been made and you need to rejoice! It’s not about me verses you, it’s about you verses you. Are you growing in the Lord? Are you walking closer to him than before? Are you praying and reading more consistently than you were last year? Then celebrate that!

I sit here, and the tears roll down my cheeks as I remember the times I could have spent with the Lord, and I chose not to. The times I spent reading a novel while the girls were asleep, instead of picking up my Bible, even just for 5 minutes.

I have so many regrets from my days as a young mother and wife, there are so many things I wish I could do over. I made so many mistakes and I had so much pride that I only now see in hindsight. God only gives us one life. We don’t have the choice to go back and try again.

But there is beauty and comfort in knowing that God is a loving and forgiving God and his mercies are new every morning.

Lamentations 3:22-23 KJV - It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

Each day is a new day! Each day is an opportunity to start afresh. God is faithful and he is compassionate. He showers upon us unconditional love every moment of every day and he understands our failings and he expects them. But he also encourages us to come to him in humbleness, and repentance, seeking forgiveness and desiring a heart that longs to seek him wholeheartedly, striving for God-confidence over self-confidence.

Can I encourage you, having walked down the road a bit further than those early days, that your relationship with God is the most important relationship you will ever have. Family and friends will fail you. Relationships will break down. The confidence you have in yourself today may very well be taken from you tomorrow. The only sure thing in life is the Lord Jesus Christ. And the only relationship you can totally trust in and put your confidence in, is in the one you build with him.

The time you spend in God’s Word will never be wasted time. It may mean that some things get left for tomorrow. It may mean the dishes stay in the sink a little longer. It may mean the washing doesn’t get folded right away, but if you are choosing time with God over time with things and to-do lists, then you are choosing the right thing. The one needful thing.

If you’re finding it hard to make time to spend in God’s Word today, then ask him to open your eyes to the moments you’re wasting. The minutes you’re spending doing other things when you could be sitting in his presence. Ask him to show you and then take that first step.

God will give you the times of quiet you need if you have a heart to learn and grow.

Start small. Something is better than nothing.

Be consistent. Have a teachable heart.

 

Watch what God will do!