God-Confidence vs Self-Confidence

For some time now, I have had it on my heart to write something on the subject of Motherhood. Years ago, when I was a young mother, I thought that God would lead me into a ministry that helped other mothers. A place where I could teach, advise, help, encourage and support other women in the same season of life that I was in.

As is so often the case, I thought I had it all figured out, as a young wife and mother, because my children were well behaved, for the most part, my house was always tidy, I baked good wholesome meals and made all my snacks from scratch. I sewed lovely dresses for my girls and braided their hair with some skill. I had so much to offer in the way of teaching others how it should and could be done. Or so I thought! Oh, how wrong and how self-righteous I was! God saw my heart and the pride that lay deep beneath the surface.

God never did let me venture very far onto the path I had planned for myself, he knew I needed many more years of growing, humbling, learning, experience, failures, heartaches, trials and testings.

There were occasional times I was able to give some advice and share ideas that were a help to another young mother struggling in her marriage or child-raising, but mostly, God had me just putting one foot in front of the other, home-schooling my children, serving and loving my husband, teaching Sunday School, using my talents and abilities to honour God. Trusting him, waiting on him, learning from him.

I didn’t get those opportunities to speak and teach and write on the subject of motherhood and marriage like I had hoped, and I have come to realise that God had a better plan for my life, as he always does, and that he wanted me to wait. He knew that I needed God-confidence, not self-confidence.

You see, I was pretty confident in my ability to be a mother and a good helpmeet to my husband. I was impressed at my own skills in keeping house and training my children to speak kindly, sit quietly, be respectful, cook and clean. But I can see, in hindsight, that a lot of my confidence was in myself and my abilities.

I had neglected to develop my God-confidence. I needed to learn to depend completely on God and his strength.

Psalm 118:8 - It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.

What I had done was to become confident in my own abilities, somehow deluding myself into thinking it was all my own doing.

1 Corinthians 10:12 KJV - Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.

God, in his goodness, had to strip away a lot of that confidence, through sickness and failure and times of humbling. He had to tear away the pride that I had clothed myself in, revealing the real me, what lay underneath, a woman in need of God-confidence. I needed the confidence that only he could give. I needed a wholehearted trust and dependence on him. None of me, all of him.

I needed to come to myself, as the prodigal son did in the pig pen, realising his need of rescue, I had to get to the point where I couldn’t do all those things I had boasted in (if only in the hidden places of my heart) and I had to depend on him completely, no longer could I do it in my own strength, I needed a Saviour, a stronger, trustworthy hand to hold on to.

Jeremiah 17:7 KJV - Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.

God-confidence has to begin with a personal relationship with him.

The first thing you need in order to work on your God-confidence, is to be one of his children. If you haven’t taken that first step, then stop reading now. Find a Christian brother or sister you trust and learn what you need to do to have eternal security and a home in Heaven.

Being one of his children is not enough to build your God-confidence. It can’t stop there. You also need prayer. You need to become a woman of prayer. One who comes to God on a very regular basis, crying out to him, bringing all your cares to him. Not just the big issues. God wants you to bring everything to him in prayer. Nothing is too big or too small.

Philippians 4:6 KJV - Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And secondly, you need to be in the Word of God. It’s not enough to listen to the Pastor preach on a Sunday morning. You need to develop your own quiet time. You need to set aside times where you dig into the Bible for yourself. You can’t expect to be spoon fed as a Christian if you want to grow.

You have to meditate on scripture, search it out, explore the context, the meaning of the words, the who, the what, the why.

Don’t be content to read a quick devotional, listen to a short sermon, attend a monthly Bible Study or takes notes from the sermon on Sunday morning.

While these things are good, they should never replace your time alone with God. You can’t just live off the crumbs that fall from the table. You need to eat directly from God’s table.

Even the Lord Jesus took time to get away in a solitary place and spend time with God. If a perfect and sinless Saviour felt the need to spend time with God, shouldn’t we? We, as sinful and undeserving but forgiven and redeemed children of God, should desire above everything to spend time in his presence, learning how to live and following his example.

Use what resources you need in order to grow in your knowledge of God, making sure that they line up with the Word of God. There are so many resources at our disposal that we have no excuse for not trying to gain an understanding of a particular passage of scripture.

And if you are a young mother reading this, please don’t despair. I was once where you are right now. My days were filled to overflowing with hungry babies, energetic toddlers, home-schooling meltdowns (by me as well!), mounds of washing, dirty dishes that seemed to reproduce, messes on the floor that needed attending to, food to be made and the list goes on. So, I do know where you’re at. I feel your pain.

But I want to encourage you to do something that regrettably, I didn’t do well or consistently, and that was making time for Jesus. Coming to his table and feasting on the beautiful spread he had laid out. I was content sitting on the floor and feeding off the scraps that fell.

No one else’s walk with God, or quotes or devotionals will ever replace God’s presence and experiencing it for yourself.

Yes, it takes sacrifice. It takes a conscious choice to put down something urgent you’re doing, for something more important – sitting at the feet of God, just as Mary did, when there was work to be done. She realised the importance of sitting in his presence.

Luke 10:42 KJV - But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

However and whenever you choose to arrange your quiet time is not the issue. The issue and the important part is actually doing it! If it’s only 5 minutes of solitude that you can find in your chaotic day, then so be it. Make wise use of those precious 5 minutes.

A saying that I read many years ago, has always stuck with me and maybe it will now live in your mind too, rent free, as a good reminder:

“Something is better than nothing, and always aim for more”

God knows exactly what season of life you find yourself in and his grace is fathomless. If you can carve out only 5 minutes of focused time to spend in prayer and in his Word, then he will bless that time and multiply it as the seasons change. Don’t give up. Just be faithful. Start small and be consistent. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, or you will fail before you even start. And don’t beat yourself up comparing your spiritual life and walk with others around you. God knows your heart.

If you are doing better spiritually than you were last year, then progress has been made and you need to rejoice! It’s not about me verses you, it’s about you verses you. Are you growing in the Lord? Are you walking closer to him than before? Are you praying and reading more consistently than you were last year? Then celebrate that!

I sit here, and the tears roll down my cheeks as I remember the times I could have spent with the Lord, and I chose not to. The times I spent reading a novel while the girls were asleep, instead of picking up my Bible, even just for 5 minutes.

I have so many regrets from my days as a young mother and wife, there are so many things I wish I could do over. I made so many mistakes and I had so much pride that I only now see in hindsight. God only gives us one life. We don’t have the choice to go back and try again.

But there is beauty and comfort in knowing that God is a loving and forgiving God and his mercies are new every morning.

Lamentations 3:22-23 KJV - It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

Each day is a new day! Each day is an opportunity to start afresh. God is faithful and he is compassionate. He showers upon us unconditional love every moment of every day and he understands our failings and he expects them. But he also encourages us to come to him in humbleness, and repentance, seeking forgiveness and desiring a heart that longs to seek him wholeheartedly, striving for God-confidence over self-confidence.

Can I encourage you, having walked down the road a bit further than those early days, that your relationship with God is the most important relationship you will ever have. Family and friends will fail you. Relationships will break down. The confidence you have in yourself today may very well be taken from you tomorrow. The only sure thing in life is the Lord Jesus Christ. And the only relationship you can totally trust in and put your confidence in, is in the one you build with him.

The time you spend in God’s Word will never be wasted time. It may mean that some things get left for tomorrow. It may mean the dishes stay in the sink a little longer. It may mean the washing doesn’t get folded right away, but if you are choosing time with God over time with things and to-do lists, then you are choosing the right thing. The one needful thing.

If you’re finding it hard to make time to spend in God’s Word today, then ask him to open your eyes to the moments you’re wasting. The minutes you’re spending doing other things when you could be sitting in his presence. Ask him to show you and then take that first step.

God will give you the times of quiet you need if you have a heart to learn and grow.

Start small. Something is better than nothing.

Be consistent. Have a teachable heart.

 

Watch what God will do!