Sometimes love looks like chaos

(just some thoughts from the heart of a mother and grandmother - aka me)

 

I stare at the mounting pile of dirty dishes in the sink and on the adjacent countertop. The kitchen bench is strewn with cups, a half-eaten piece of toast, a box of tissues, a cookie rack with chocolate-chip biscuits, fresh from the oven. My gaze turns toward the toys scattered all over the floor, puzzle pieces, matchbox cars, blocks and couch cushions, tiny prickles from the grass outside have stuck fast to the rug on the floor. As I walk out onto the verandah, I step carefully over a couple of little plastic tricycles, a pile of random, mismatched shoes, pieces of coloured chalk laying on top of some creative artwork, a plastic cup in a puddle of water, a milk crate, a broom, a laundry basket, some pegs.

What a mess! Or is it?

It may look like chaos, it may not be the most peaceful scene, but you know what? It’s a loved mess. And THAT makes ALL the difference!

Love doesn’t always look like peace. Sometimes it looks like laundry. Sometimes it looks like dirty dishes. Sometimes it looks like noise.

We often see mess as just something to fix. But what if we saw it as an evidence of love?

What if instead of seeing chaos we saw it as a house that’s lived in where memories were made, where creativity was explored and where little lives were molded and skills were taught?

Love isn’t in the perfect. It’s in the continual showing up. It’s in the day to day sacrificing of what I want over what others need. It involves things getting a little messy.

Now I’ll be the first to say how much I love tidiness. I love an ordered home. I love organized cupboards and a tidy pantry. I love everything to have its place but there are times when it’s okay to just let it go.

The mess will be there tomorrow, but childhood waits for no one. Time rushes on, newborns become toddlers and toddlers become teens and before long adulthood is reached and the season is over.

I know this all too well, being the mother of five daughters and a grandmother of 10!

Just when you think the days of endless tidying and picking up after little ones is gone, along come precious little lives in the form of grandchildren!

And if you are blessed to be in my position, you now have another opportunity to pour into a new generation and make new memories that will live on well after you’re gone.

I was reminded of this this past weekend. We were blessed to have not only my parents here visiting but also all of our grandchildren (and their parents) and some friends as well. As all 28 of us sat scattered around the fire pit in the front yard, camp chairs strewn about, the table laden with food, picnic blankets and a cot for little ones, marshmallows roasting over the fire, toys and shoes littering the verandah and dishes in the sink, I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for God’s goodness to us.

Yes, there was mess. But it was beautiful!

If you are reading this and you are childless or empty nesters with no grandchildren as yet, there is still something I want to say to you.

We, as followers of Christ, are to be ambassadors and kingdom builders. And what better way than to show hospitality and love to those around us.

I will warn you though, that hospitality comes at a price. As one of my favourite authors puts it:

 “Living a life of welcome opening both your heart and your home means your stuff gets used. And reused. Over and over again. Your items get nicked and scratched your carpet and rugs and linens get stained. While this doesn't mean we don't try to make our surroundings pleasant, it does mean we learn to accept some degree of imperfection. Well used items often mean that we have loved well.” Karen Ehman

Look at what the Bible says on this subject.

1 Peter 4:8-10 KJV - And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. Use hospitality one to another without grudging. As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

Isn’t it interesting that we are told to use hospitality without grudging. That means without murmuring or muttering or grumbling!

This means we’re to do it cheerfully. Without complaining!

So, today, as you look around you at the space you live in, think about this? Is it lived in? Are memories made there? Are your dishes used and your couches maybe a little worn because of the hospitality you show and the welcoming atmosphere that radiates from your home?

Do you see the mess as a loved mess? Do you see it as an evidence of your love?

As you stoop down to pick up yet another toy or discarded item of clothing, think about the hands that have handled it and the heart of that little one. As you wash yet another coffee cup after your guests leave, think about the influence you have in that person’s life. Did you speak truth over them? Did you show them the love of Christ? Or were you more concerned about the mess they made?

It often makes me think of the story of Mary and Martha. (Luke 10) Now I don’t want to take this passage out of context or make application where it isn’t, but I think sometimes we run about, frazzled with a Martha spirit when what we need is Mary’s heart. Content to just sit and listen and rest.

Sometimes God is calling you to just enjoy the mess and the chaos and overlook the crumbs in order to invest in the lives of others.

Let’s start seeing our messes as loved messes. It’s all about how we look at it.

God looks at the mess we leave behind and the mistakes we make, and he still calls us his precious, loved child. He still loves us unconditionally. He sees our faults, he sees our flaws and yet when he looks at us, he sees a loved mess.

Sometimes love looks like chaos and that’s okay.

Give yourself a break mama. There’ll be time to tidy up at the end of the day……Or the next day

 

 

 

 

God Speaks in Flowers

 

My husband and I recently returned from a very quick road trip to Queensland. As we travelled the roughly 5000km (return), we enjoyed picturesque sunsets, wide expanses of treeless plains, beautiful sunrises and sunsets, colourful flowers and an abundance of cloudless skies.

In reading over some of my keepsake quotes today, I came across this one.

“God spoke today in flowers and I who was waiting on words

 almost missed the conversation”

What a powerful thought!

How many times do you find yourself waiting on God to speak? You read your Bible, you listen to sermons, you write out scripture verses to encourage you to memorize and yet sometimes, you miss the conversation God wants to have with you?

Sometimes God speaks in flowers.

Sometimes he speaks in the sunrise. Sometimes he speaks in the sunset. Sometimes in the wind or the rain. Sometimes he speaks in the ocean waves as they crash upon the shore. Sometimes in the rustling of the leaves high above the forest floor.

Are you listening?

Okay, so am I talking in riddles? What in the world do I mean?

What I’m trying to tell you is that God speaks through his creation. All throughout the Bible we see references to God revealing himself through creation.

I absolutely love the sky! Ask anyone who knows me well, and they will tell you of my love for clouds, stars, sunsets and sunrises. I can often be found gazing up at the clouds, whether on a walk, or sitting on a rooftop, or simply driving along (in which case I often have to pull over in order to take it all in) and if you are part of our family chat, you will be inundated by photos of the skies, at any time of day or night. (and I make no apology for it!)

One of my favourite go to verses in regard to this is found in the Psalms.

Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.

As we look up at the sky, it shouts the glory of God. It cries out and draws our attention to God’s awesome power, not only as Creator but also as sustainer of life and giver of mercy and love. This verse illustrates how that not only are the heavens beautiful, but they testify to God’s amazing artistry and craftmanship. Every time we lift our gaze to the skies, we are reminded of his greatness, and it urges us to give him praise. Or it should!

In the book of Romans, we see that God’s attributes are evident in his creation. By observing nature, we get a glimpse of his power, and it challenges us to recognize his presence. We have no excuse for not acknowledging him.

Romans 1:20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:

Not only are my eyes drawn to the heavens, but they are also drawn to the ground beneath my feet. Flowers are another passion of mine. I marvel every time I see a beautiful bloom, handcrafted and designed by the very hand of God. (Genesis 1:11,12)

There are quite a few references in the Bible to flowering plants. The lily, rose, fig and olive tree are just a few.

Now, I’m no botanist, but in doing a little google research, they say that there are almost 400 000 flowering species in the world! That is an incredible amount of God’s creativity and beauty before our eyes, in every and any part of the world.

So, how does God speak in flowers? Or waves? Or clouds or any part of nature we admire?

All of creation sings God’s praises (Psalm 66:4) and as we enjoy the beauty of what we see and experience in nature, the song they sing breathes life into our being and causes us to have a heart of worship for God, the creator and sustainer of life. It is literally God speaking to us!

He is speaking to us in flowers. He is calling us to stop. To rest. To enjoy. To listen. To worship.

Psalm 96:11-12 Let the heavens rejoice, and let the earth be glad; let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof. Let the field be joyful, and all that is therein: then shall all the trees of the wood rejoice

We are often so busy, and our days are so crowded with noise that we fail to enjoy what he has given us in the form of the beauty of his creation.

He longs to have a conversation with us. He longs to see us sit and soak in a sunset, watching the sun dip below the horizon as the clouds project a rainbow of colours across the sky. But he doesn’t want us to just enjoy the sight, he wants us to enjoy his presence.

God doesn’t just exist within the four walls of a church building. He is not only present around your dinner table as you give him thanks for the food. He is not only near as you bow your head to pray.

No. He is present everywhere! And that means he is there in the colourful blooms of a flower. He is there in the sunrise. He is there in the waves. And he is waiting to commune with you. He wants to have a conversation with you not only as you read your Bible or meditate on a passage of Scripture. He wants to speak to you through the wind, the rain and the sunshine.

We have to quiet our hearts, open our ears, and with a humble and teachable heart, listen for his still, small voice. Let him speak to you as you stop and rest. What is it he wants to say?

Now, in case this all sounds strange, let me try and explain it a little better.

Sometimes as I stare at a flower I have picked because of its beauty and colour, I look at it in wonder and as I look, sometimes, I hear a voice. Not an audible voice, but a voice in my soul that brings peace to my heart.

Maybe I’ve had a bad day and God reminds me, through the flower, that he is a good God. He reminds me that there is still beauty to be seen in my day. He reminds me that he cares about the flowers, sending the rain and the sunshine and because I know he cares for them, I know he cares for me. (Matthew 6:28-30) He reminds me that, as Creator, he made all things, and he has a purpose for all things, so I am reminded he has a purpose for me. He has a plan for my life, just as he has a plan for all of his creation.

Remember that God not only speaks through the pages of your Bible, through actual words on printed paper, but he also speaks through nature. Don’t miss the conversation he wants to have.

Every living thing is called to praise the Lord.

Psalm 150:6 Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.

The next time you pick a flower and admire its beauty, listen for God’s voice. The next time you hear the melody of a bird song or experience the coolness of the waves as they wash over your feet as they sink into the sand, let God speak to you. Listen for his voice.

Take time to worship him, giving him praise just as creation does.

I want to leave you with a beautiful Psalm, and can I encourage you to read it through in its entirety? It’s easy to skim over it without much thought but read each word and take note of who and what it is that is commanded to praise God.

If you can get a hold of the fact that everything God has made has a duty to praise him and give him glory, maybe you will find a song of worship rising from your heart and rolling off your tongue as you lift your song of praise to him.

God is speaking to you in flowers, don’t miss the conversation.

 

Psalm 148

Praise ye the LORD. Praise ye the LORD from the heavens: praise him in the heights.

Praise ye him, all his angels: praise ye him, all his hosts.

Praise ye him, sun and moon: praise him, all ye stars of light. Praise him, ye heavens of heavens, and ye waters that be above the heavens.

Let them praise the name of the LORD: for he commanded, and they were created.

He hath also stablished them for ever and ever: he hath made a decree which shall not pass.

Praise the LORD from the earth, ye dragons, and all deeps:

Fire, and hail; snow, and vapour; stormy wind fulfilling his word:

Mountains, and all hills; fruitful trees, and all cedars:

Beasts, and all cattle; creeping things, and flying fowl:

Kings of the earth, and all people; princes, and all judges of the earth:

Both young men, and maidens; old men, and children:

Let them praise the name of the LORD: for his name alone is excellent; his glory is above the earth and heaven.

He also exalteth the horn of his people, the praise of all his saints; even of the children of Israel, a people near unto him. Praise ye the LORD.

 

New Roads, Old Roads and Short Memories.

 

In looking over some old posts this afternoon, God led me to this one. I don’t know who it is that needs to hear it, or maybe it’s just for me, but I pray it will be an encouragement to you as I repost and revisit this thought. God bless.

 

When things don’t go the way we plan, we want to believe that it’s only temporary, and that life will soon return to ‘normal’. But what if the road you are now on, is the new normal? What happens when God creates a ‘detour’ that is actually the new road?

We all want our ‘detours’ to be just that.  A temporary changing of our nicely laid plans, to be returned to the way they were once the time of testing is done.

But God doesn’t follow our plans. Our plans are flawed. We are short-sighted. We don’t have God’s perfect vision. We can’t see so far ahead as to know what may lie in our path.

When God puts us on these new roads, we question Him. We can’t understand why He would choose to take us down a bumpy, windy, narrow and dangerous road. We long for the ease of the ‘old road’. In our minds, we are certain that the old road was the good road. The old road was paved with ease. If only God would get us off this wild detour and give us back our old road. “Surely this is just a detour, Lord?” And we hear His soft answer, “No, my child. This is now the road.”

Why is it we remember the old roads as being so easy and so ‘normal’? Have we forgotten the giants we faced while travelling that road? Why do we remember them better than they actually were?

When the Israelites were wandering in the desert, they began to question God’s love and His ability to provide. They remembered only the good things about the Egypt they had been delivered from.

Numbers 11:5-6 We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick: But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes.

But they had forgotten something very important. They had forgotten that in Egypt, they were slaves! There they were, complaining about not having garlic and leeks, and longing for the Egypt they remembered, somehow forgetting the part about being slaves!  What kind of memory is that? Had they forgotten the many times they cried to God to deliver them out of slavery? Their lives in Egypt were far from perfect.

But are we any different than the grumbling Israelites? Do we choose to grumble and complain about the circumstances God puts us in and forget all the blessings He has showered upon us?

The new road God has us on may seem hard and it may seem unfair. But God has a purpose for each and every road He asks you to take. The old road may have seemed less bumpy, but the new road will lead you closer to Him.

Often, when life is easy, we neglect to notice our surroundings. We rush blindly on, oblivious to what is around us. The bumps in the road cause us to stop and to seek God as we question his ways. The twists and turns slowly drive us closer to the Lord. We cling to Him as we know that it is only Him that can help us through.

On a personal note, I know a little of new roads and unending detours.  A few years ago, God took me on a road I thought would never end. He took me through a time of darkness that was so dark I could almost feel the inky blackness. I cried out to Him continually. I didn’t want to be on this new road He had me on. I wanted everything to return to the old way. I resisted, I fought, I cried. I asked for deliverance repeatedly and yet, it didn’t come. I longed to return to normal again. I wanted out. I didn’t want this trial.

God had me on a very difficult road. But He knew that I needed to be on that road. He knew I needed to draw closer to Him than ever before. He knew that by taking me down this new road, I would never be the same. I would seek His face. Morning, night and noon. All day long. I would run to the Rock. I would be driven to Him. I would need him as never before, and when it was all over, I would be walking closer to Him, and I would have a deeper relationship with Him than I could ever had imagined.

I would have new promises from the Word of God to cling to when the waves threatened to overwhelm me. I would have a stronger set of armour to defeat the Devil’s attacks. I would understand more about the things we wrestle with and the importance of being armoured with God’s armour.  Ephesians 6:12

But God in His love and is compassion didn’t leave me there in that dark place. He brought me through. He was there beside me the whole time. Anytime of night or day that I cried out to Him, He was there. Listening. Answering. Loving. His promises held true. The strength He gave me enabled me, with His help, to fight off the attacks of the Devil. To let the Devil know that he had already been defeated and he would never win.

He led me through the way I didn’t know. Through paths I had not travelled. Down a road that was to become my new road.

Isaiah 42:16 And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.

We all know that hindsight is a wonderful thing. I only wish we could have better sight during our trials. But really, if we knew what God had instore for us in the future and the difficulties He would have us face, we would just lay down and die right there and then.

God and God alone knows what He wants you to face, and He knows how much you can bear. And even when you are sure you can’t handle anymore, He gives more grace and enables you to take that next step. One foot after another. Step by step. Moment by moment. He will bring you through.

God wants you to remember His goodness. Remember His promises. His love.

Psalm 77:10-12 And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.

These verses were a comfort to me during my long road. I had to daily make a choice to remember the works of the Lord. I had to make a choice to meditate on them.

And now, years after coming through to the other side, I have even more to remember. And I have more to share with others. God has helped me to become more sensitive to others’ needs. To show more compassion. To show more love. To desire to reach down a hand and lift the fallen. Where once before I may have shown a callous indifference or even a judgemental attitude to those in dark places, I now see them with different eyes. Eyes that have been opened through hard times. Eyes that now can see what they couldn’t see before.

2 Corinthians 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

There are so many verses in the Bible that I would love to share with you. God sees what you’re going through. Even if no one else knows the struggles you’re facing, God knows. He sees. He orchestrates. Trust Him. Let Him lead you through. Let Him be the light you follow. Psalm 23 still holds true today as it did in David’s day.

Psalm 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

 Don’t let the thought that your detour is your new road be a discouragement to you. Take it as a challenge. A challenge to deepen your relationship with God. A time to draw close to Him. A time to learn. A time to grow and a time to share what God has brought you through.

New roads don’t have to be feared. 

They can be faced with courage!

 

 

 

A Piece of Quiet – 

Dealing with the Overwhelm

 

Let me be honest with you for just a moment. Today has been a struggle. And you know what? Yesterday was too. 

Sometimes, we as fiercely strong and independent women don’t like to admit that we are struggling or that we’re feeling overwhelmed.

But facts are facts. We ALL face the burden of overwhelm at some point and we would do well to acknowledge it, name it and then get busy doing something about it.

I think that often, as women, we get that ‘overwhelmed’ feeling. We try to be the best mothers and wives and homemakers we can be. Some of us have work outside the home that takes precious time away from the endless list of chores that looms overhead as we walk through the door. We constantly feel pulled in every direction and we long for a piece of quiet. Not just peace and quiet. But a piece of quiet. Just a moment. Time to be able to get off the merry-go-round of life for just a little while and breathe. Time to let go of the mental load that we carry. Time to sit and enjoy that sunset. To experience the sound of a melodious birdsong in the quiet of the evening. Or to sit by the ocean watching the waves as they crash onto the shore and take in the warm salty air. 

Life gets so busy, and those peaceful moments never seem to come. We long to have our burdens lifted and the things weighing on our minds taken away. We think that if we could only go away for a few days holiday, that things will be better. Life will look brighter.

But if we really think practically and reasonably, we know that although a holiday is nice, the jobs are still there when we return. The overwhelm is there waiting to descend.

Now, I’m not trying to depress you here. But I am a realist. Let’s not beat about the bush, ladies. This here is the facts. Life is a struggle. Overwhelm will come. But how do we keep the overwhelm from overwhelming us? How do we keep our circumstances from defining us? How do we live in chaotic situations without the chaos becoming part of our being?

We do it with the Lord’s help! You knew I’d say that didn’t you? Yes. The only way we can keep from being totally overwhelmed is by God’s peace. His perfect peace.

I don’t have any great 10 step programs to lead you through or any quick fixes that promise to bring you instant peace. But I do know, through many trying experiences that God is able to do exceeding above all that we ask or think.

Some of you know that I went through a dark period of overwhelm, anxiety and depression a few years ago. What was it that lifted me up from my pit of despair? The one thing that pulled me through was the Word of God. It was God’s promises that upheld me and drew me closer to thim than ever before.

I’d like to share some of these beautiful Words of scripture with you. I know that most likely, every woman who is reading this post is struggling with something. And if you’re not, then you will. Facts are facts. The Bible is clear on this point.

John 16:33 - These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

This verse doesn’t say that you ‘might’ have troubles. It says you WILL. It’s inevitable. But aren’t you glad that’s not the end of it? The verse goes on to say, “be of good cheer; I have overcome the world”. Praise the Lord! We have an overcomer! And if I could read this aloud to you right now, I would shout that last statement. WE HAVE AN OVERCOMER!

Here are some precious verses found in the Word of God that may be of some comfort to you as you struggle through the storms of life. I pray that God would speak through them to bring peace to your overwhelmed heart.

Read them aloud. Meditate on them. Write them down.

God gives rest for our souls

Matthew 11:28-30 - Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light.

God will guard our hearts and minds

Philippians 4:6-7 - Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

God is a firm foundation

Psalm 61:2 - From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

God brings peace

John 14:27 - Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

God is not the author of confusion

1 Corinthians 14:33 - For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

God will never forsake you

Deuteronomy 31:8 - And the LORD, he [it is] that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.

God is strong enough to carry your burdens

1 Peter 5:7 - Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

God will uphold you

Isaiah 41:10 - Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

God will renew your strength

Isaiah 40:31 - But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

I was reminded yesterday of a verse that became so dear to me as I cried it aloud to the Lord, over and over again, on a daily basis throughout my time of extreme overwhelm. A very tear-stained notecard sits in my desk drawer as a reminder of God’s goodness to me and His deliverance at my lowest point.

Isaiah 43:2

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.

I want to remind you that not only is Christ our overcomer, but we too can be overcomers. We can hold fast to our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ when trials come. We can stand strong in the face of battle. We can put on the armour of God and stand against the devil. We can face the overwhelm and triumph over it.

We don’t have to live defeated lives. We are not fighting FOR victory, we are fighting FROM victory! God has already won! We just need to be reminded of who is fighting for us and who our overcomer is.

We can pass through the waters and through the fire and God will keep us in the safety of his encircling arms of love. He will hold us fast. God alone can keep you from heading into an anxiety spiral that pulls you down further than you want to go and keeps you longer than you want to stay.

The only way you can fully grasp hold of God’s peace is to totally trust Him. To give ALL your burdens to Him. To lay ALL your cares on Him. Lay them at His feet and step away. Leave them there. Don’t pick them back up. Let God lift the weight off your shoulders. Hold to His promises. Read them. Meditate on them. Share them.

And as God brings that blessed peace back into your life and you feel the overwhelm melt away and the joy grow, give Him all the glory and praise Him for the wonderful and awesome God that He is.

For those of you who, like me, need a list of to dos or some practical steps to help you in your moments of overwhelm or anxiety, here are some things that help me.

1.        The very first thing is to PRAY! Cry out to God and ask him for help.

2.        Read over verses that help give you strength and comfort. (Hopefully you have these somewhere handy, so you can pull them up at a moment’s notice)

3.        Pray the scripture aloud, claiming the promises as you speak truth over yourself.

4.        Text a friend to ask for prayer. Make sure this is a trusted friend that you know will stop what they’re doing and pray for you right there and then.

5.        Go for a walk. Get out in nature, get some fresh air and take time to enjoy God’s creation.

6a    Listen to good, Godly, uplifting worship music and meditate on the words. 

6.    Hydrate! Stop and have a drink and eat something. And maybe take a nap. Often what you need is a snack and a sleep (read more on this here: A snack and a nap)

(Another thing I do is to read over some of my previous posts, to preach to myself what I’ve preached to others, because if it helped me then, I know it will help me now. Maybe you have articles or sermons you’ve saved that will encourage your heart – go back to them and refresh your heart and mind)

You may find that as you go through difficult times, other things that you do will that help you. Remind yourself of them and do what works for you.

Keep God at the centre of your life and make sure he is your first port of call, NOT your last resort!

I pray God will bring you the peace you need for each and every day.

God bless xx

 

 

 

 

Find your people and

 start doing life together!

 

Okay, so I’m back, with possibly the last part of my lesson, but I’m not making any promises.

In the last couple of posts, we talked about the ‘whys’ of community and we dealt with the ‘what’, so we now come to the ‘how’.

It would be wrong of me to explain what it is and why it’s so important and not give you some practical ways of living it out and tips on how to build this thing I’m so passionate about.

Let me begin by quoting from a book by Jennie Allen:

“There are scientific studies that show how many relationships we can manage and how we socially interact with people. Basically, we can handle a network of only about 150 people. Think of your Christmas list. People you talk to at least once or twice a year. Inside that 150 are layers of friendships that deepen with how much time you spend with the person and the degree of your relationship with them. Research suggests that we can handle only 50 people in what we call our acquaintances. Within those 50 people there are 15 people in our village and within our village we have a capacity to make five of them our BFF's. Only five! How much time you spend face to face with a person is what determines where they fit in your 150. And what pushes people deeper into our inner circles of friends? The amount of time we spend with them. TIME.”

Can I tell you something? YOU CAN’T HAVE WHAT YOU’RE NOT WILLING TO BECOME.

If you want friends, you have to become one. (Proverbs 18:24a)

If you want Godly community, you have to be willing to put the work in.

In Jennie’s book, she shows a graphic of 4 circles, all set within each other. At the centre of this is God. Working out of this into the next circle is the inner circle, then onto the village (community) circle and then a circle labelled acquaintances.

Take some time to think right now about the circle called acquaintances. This is a very large circle. There may be 50 or more people in this circle. It is made up of people from all walks of life. You may know only their first name. Maybe it’s the lady at the post office or the fruit and vege market or maybe your accountant, a business owner or the cashier at your local supermarket. You don’t have any real connection and only ever make small talk with them.

Then we come to the next circle, moving closer to the centre. The village circle, or what I like to call, our community. This is a medium sized group and there may be only 10 to 30 in this group. This is a very diverse group of consistent, interconnected people. Our fellow believers at our local church, our childrens’ friends’ parents, Sunday school teachers, pastors, Bible study leaders, ladies in your coffee get togethers etc.

With this number of people, we don’t have time to do life with them in any sort of meaningful way, but they are still very important and necessary. They can pray for you, help you when you’re in need, talk about spiritual matters as you learn together and serve together in ministry. They are a very vital part of what we need in our lives. See my last post - https://learnliveloveshare.blogspot.com/2025/05/were-all-in-this-together-in-my-last.html

This group forms the support system that we so desperately need in difficult situations and the hard times we face. Without it, we will not only experience loneliness, but we will miss out on the much-needed prayer and love it brings.

It is also the place where we serve God together in evangelism through our local churches.

Next, we move on to the inner circle. This is a very small circle. It may be only 3 or 4 people. But these are the people you keep in touch with day by day. They know you and your heart. You can be vulnerable with them and share with them more than what you would share with your village or church community. You can laugh and cry with them.

They are determined to chase after God. They are faithful and faith filled.

You may have a few and they may not even know each other. And they’re often very different. They could be different ages or personalities. But one thing they have in common is that they are available. They are transparent. They will fight for you, alongside you and fight with you against sin. They are present. Physically and emotionally. And they are the ones you spend the most time with, outside of your family.

So, who do you have in your inner circle? Is their faith strong like the sick man’s friends who tore through a roof in order to see him healed?

Did you know that Jesus had an inner circle? Peter, James and John. The Bible does not say why Jesus chose Peter, James, and John as His inner circle. Possibly he was making a special effort to prepare these three for the leadership roles they would later occupy in the church.

These three men were present with Jesus during special events, being eyewitnesses of Jesus’ transfiguration (Mark 9), witnessing Jesus raise Jairus’s daughter from the dead (Luke 8), and they accompanied Him while He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26). These three witnessed Jesus’ greatest moments of glory and also some of His darkest trials. They were His closest friends.

If Jesus needed an inner circle, how much more do we?

What is it that sets these levels of community and friendship apart? TIME. It comes down to how much time you spend with them.

We can’t skip the village/church community level and hope to magically find our people that will form our inner circle if we are not working on building community with our fellow believers.

So, in our lonely world, how do we rediscover the joy of deep connection?

One of the best ways is HOSPITALITY.

1 Peter 4:8-10 KJV - And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. Use hospitality one to another without grudging. As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

The believers in Acts met daily for prayer and shared meals. Daily is probably unrealistic to us, but the point is they spent time in each other’s homes. They were hospitable people.

Hospitality defined means: the act, practice or quality of receiving and entertaining strangers or guests in a friendly and generous way.

Notice in this verse in 1 Peter it says without grudging? Some translations will say without grumbling or murmuring. The Greek word literally translates to murmuring or muttering.

So, we’re not supposed to complain about being hospitable. We’re supposed to do it cheerfully.

But what if your house isn’t perfect? What if you’re not the best cook? IT DOESN’T MATTER! Your house doesn’t have to be perfect and neither does the food. Be friendly. Be generous. Have an attitude of love and let God’s light shine by doing it cheerfully.

Recently, we had a family over for dinner and I was frustrated that something I had made didn’t turn out as planned. I was told nicely by our guests, “We didn’t come for the food, we came for the fellowship”. A good reminder.

Read this quote from another favourite author of mine: “Living a life of welcome opening both your heart and your home means your stuff gets used. And reused. Over and over again. Your items get nicked and scratched your carpet and rugs and linens get stained. While this doesn't mean we don't try to make our surroundings pleasant, it does mean we learn to accept some degree of imperfection. Well used items often mean that we have loved well.” K.Ehman

Are you loving well? Does it show?

Okay, so let’s wrap this up with 7 points on how to build your community. Of course, this list is not exhaustive and there is much to be said and so much more to be added, but I pray that this will help get you started on the path to reconnection and community building.

1.        Notice who is already right in front of you: Look at who is in your church, your Bible study, your gym class, your neighbourhood or school. Could it be there are close friendships waiting there? Who is literally right in front of you?

Start viewing acquaintances as friends in the making. View them as potential friends. Look around at your church community. Who has God put in your life, here and now and right under your nose, that you haven’t connected with yet?

2.        Put yourself out there: Plan to go first. Don’t wait for someone else to initiate. Connection takes stepping out again and again. Sometimes you get tired of no one reciprocating. This may sound harsh, but here it is. GET OVER IT!

You will never have friends, and you will never build community if you’re not willing to consistently initiate. Be the one who reaches out. Get over the awkwardness of putting yourself out there. Jesus was an incredible initiator. He noticed people. He stopped for conversation. He even invited himself over for dinner and stated that he would abide (or dwell or stay) at a tax collectors house. (Luke 19)

3.        Start great conversations: Don’t be satisfied with only shallow, small talk. Yes, it’s important, it is the foundation for deeper conversations. But to have deeper conversations, you have to not only learn to listen but also learn the art of asking more intentional questions. Don’t be afraid to go deeper.

When someone shares something hard with you, sit with them and their feelings for a bit and don’t try and fix anything. Ask what it is they need right now. Share the real stuff. If you can’t go deep with someone, don’t get discouraged. Don’t quit. Give them space but keep trying with others until you find your people. Not everyone is ready for deep friendship.

4.        Talk about Jesus: This is so important. When we put Jesus at the centre of our relationships and when we talk about Jesus and how he is moving in our lives, our friendships are being built on something that lasts. When we see God in others, we see his character revealed and he becomes more beautiful to us.

Our conversations shouldn’t be void of Jesus. If we are both determined to chase after God, we won’t have time for pettiness and gossip and competition because we will be focused on becoming more like him and our friendships will be better for it. We need to consistently be sharing things we are learning from his Word.

5.        Be quick to forgive: (see this post -  https://learnliveloveshare.blogspot.com/2025/04/me.html) 

      We are all flawed, and we all hurt one another. We let one another down. We have disagreements. Accepting this fact should cause you to have grace for every other person who comes into your life. We have to show love and forgiveness. Keep short accounts. Don’t let anything fester and turn into bitterness.

6.        Do fun stuff together: We don’t just have to connect in a Bible study setting or church setting. Do a fun activity together. Find something in common to do that will help you let your hair down and laugh together. Maybe a trivia night. Bowling. Games night. It’s a great way to get to know people and who they really are.

Sometimes Christians are labelled as ‘boring’ because for some, they see having fun as a sin, thinking that we need to appear super spiritual at all times. But King Solomon lets us know that there is a time to laugh and it’s okay (Ecclesiastes 3:4)

7.        Be okay with only a few: It’s impossible to invest in dozens of deep, intentional relationships. We don’t have that capacity. We need to focus on the few. And yes, these few will change over the years as the seasons change. Remember that deep friendships take time and as life changes and distance separates us, so too does our closeness. This is not because of a lack of love, often it is because God is encouraging you to step up and pour into someone else’s life for a season.

Every one of us have people in our lives that need us and people we need. Are we intentionally spending time in both of those categories? It is costly to love people. It’s easier to just stay casual. Love takes risks. Love takes forgiveness and grace. Love takes effort, time and commitment. And because this is the cost of deep relationship, we don’t have the capacity and space to go deep with everyone. We have to become intentional with a few. (inner circle) And that’s okay. We don’t all have to be besties. But we do need to show love and compassion to all.

Let me close with this. Be careful not to isolate yourself from the very people God wants to use to help you grow. Look for your people in unexpected places. Life stage doesn’t matter. Age doesn’t matter. Find the people who are following hard after Jesus and then go and grow with them. Find a shared purpose. Working and serving together creates life-giving bonds.

Cultivating friendships and deepening relationships in our lives is not a luxury, IT’S A NECESSITY!

Thinking you can go through life and its struggles without close friends and community to hold you steady is like thinking you can go into battle without your armour!

Just because the ache of loneliness is real and so widespread in our society, doesn’t mean it has to be your reality. You have the power to flip the script and make meaningful connections. You were created for community. It’s not easy. But it’s worth it.

Will you allow yourself to need others and will you allow them to need you?

 

It’s your choice.

CHOOSE WISELY!