Don’t stand in his way. Ride alongside.

 (FOR WOMEN ONLY)

Many years ago, I wrote an article titled, “Western Woman”. In it, I discussed the importance of being a Godly helper and encourager to your husband. I mentioned the term, “she was a woman to ride the river with”, something often written in Western novels.

If you’re not familiar with the phrase, in a nutshell, it basically means being a woman that a man desires to have by his side. Not trailing along behind, begrudgingly, not blazing a trail out ahead, independently, but just steadily staying by her husband, day by day, being there, being present, encouraging, loving, and being his greatest cheerleader for all his ventures and plans, no matter how crazy they are.

If you’ve ever come to visit and seen my husbands shed and yard, you’ll know that this topic hits me right where it’s at. And it hits hard! I love that man, but oh the rides I’ve been on!

After a conversation with a friend, what I had written so many years ago came to my mind and in the light of some things I’ve been studying on a personal level of late, I thought that maybe it was time to share it again. I needed the gentle rebuke and sadly, I feel that I’m not the only one.

Recently, in one of our Ladies Bible Study sessions, we discussed this idea of knowing your purpose in life for the season you’re in. And in thinking of this combined with the studies I have been doing on my own, I was reminded once again of the importance of not only knowing your own purpose but also being ‘a woman to ride the river with’ when it comes to your husband’s purpose.

Do you realize that whatever God has called your husband to be or do, he has also called you to support and be a part of?

Now, at this point in your husband’s life, he may not know what his purpose is. He may have lost his way a little and is struggling to know what God would have him do. Men have a lot of pressures on them and husbands and fathers more so. They have the responsibility of leading their families and providing for them. They are and should be the main decision makers in the home and that burden often weighs very heavily on them.

I don’t care what the world says in regard to this, God laid out the chain of responsibility very clearly in the Bible and he doesn’t want us to change just because society dictates that we should!

If your husband is struggling with knowing his purpose, then get on your knees and begin to pray earnestly for him. Ask God to show him clearly what his purpose is. Remind him of who he is in Christ and that God created him for a higher purpose.

When God calls us, he also enables us. Maybe what God is calling him to do looks like an impassable mountain to him. That’s where you come in. Don’t let discouragement defeat him. Cheer him on. Let him know that you are with him and praying for him. Remind him that you trust him and that you know that with God’s strength, he can move that mountain.

I've seen too many men who have longed to climb out on what (to their wives) looked like a shaky limb, longing to try something new, excited about God’s calling, only to be held back by a wife that offers only arguments and advice on why it won't work, and why she doesn't want to be involved. 

Sure, husbands can make wrong decisions (leave that to God to deal with, you are not God!), but the wife is making an ill-fated choice when she fails to ride alongside her man, as he rides into the unknown.  He is forced to either give up the venture or go it alone, without his God-given help meet.

I reminded myself of this recently. Your husband is not accountable to you! He is accountable to God. He answers to God. That is not only daunting, but it also takes the pressure off us as wives thinking we have to somehow play the Holy Spirit when that is NOT our job!

Whatever God has called your husband to do, he wants you to be a part of it. Sometimes that simply means praying and encouraging him. It may mean creating a beautiful atmosphere in the home, raising the children, home schooling them, just being there for him so that he can focus more on his purpose. But other times, it may mean becoming an active partner and getting your hands dirty, learning a new skill, showing hospitality to others even though you may be an introvert. It may mean working alongside him and doing things you didn’t think you could do.

Don’t forget, God does not ask you to forget about your own calling and purpose. God has called you to something too. But whatever it is, it will fit in with what your husband’s calling is. The two will not conflict. God is a God of order not confusion and he wants you and your husband to work together towards a common goal. Even though your callings may be different in the way they manifest themselves, they will line up with each other.

Often times the purpose God has called your husband to may be frightening and daunting to you and you have to step out in faith, with fear and trembling. Many a man has had his dreams and passions squashed by an unwilling wife, throwing a wet blanket over the fire that burns inside him.

We, as wives, need to learn to get excited with our husbands when he learns his purpose and sets out to fulfil God’s calling upon his life. We have to stop our incessant questioning and jump up beside him, cheering him along, praying, encouraging, helping, loving.

Now, there's nothing wrong with being a little afraid and somewhat sceptical about a seemingly crazy new venture, but that's where we get on our knees before God and pray harder and ask the Lord to give us wisdom to be the help meet he made us to be and to be supportive in every way we can.

Please don’t think that I’m calling all wives to be doormats and walk with heads hung down, bottom lips drooping, resigned to a life of misery, unwillingly being dragged along behind our husbands, feigning submissiveness and giving up on any dreams they may have.

Quite the opposite! If you know your Bible at all, you will know that we, as wives, are to be submissive to our husbands and he is to love us, as Christ loved the church. But submission doesn’t mean weakness. (Ephesians 5:22-29)

We can learn to walk joyfully beside our husbands as we trust the Lord to lead him and as we pray fervently for him and for God’s guidance. The more you love your husband, and the more he loves you, the more you will trust his leading and the easier it will be for you to submit to him.

Our marriages can become stronger as we forge unbreakable bonds between each other through teamwork and shared burdens and blessings. Did you notice the word ‘shared’? We have to share in our God-given purposes and callings. We are to be building and strengthening each other as we work alongside one another, encouraging and helping. Developing common interests and goals. Learning to love what they love. Learning to get excited about what excites them. Cheering them on and rejoicing with them as they see their purpose grow and develop and change as God leads.

God has ”saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began” 2 Timothy 1:9

It’s not our purpose. It’s God’s purpose. It’s his plans we are to follow.

God has a purpose for your life, and he has a purpose for your husband too. When God shows him what it is, be all in! Be present. Get on board. Hop up alongside him and ride that trail with him, determined to stay by his side, being the encourager and helper God has called you to be. Don’t bail out part way through. And when you know your own purpose, be assured that God has a way to have both of your callings working together in perfect harmony in his perfect timing.

Our ultimate goal is to bring glory to God, and what better way to do it then to show the world a united front between husband and wife, seamlessly working together, sharing in their dreams and passions, likeminded and loving every minute of it!

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 - Wherefore also we pray always for you, that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfil all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work of faith with power: That the name of our Lord Jesus Christ may be glorified in you, and ye in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

 

DON’T STAND IN THE WAY OF YOUR SPOUSE GROWING IN HIS PURPOSE.

 ENCOURAGE HIM TO FOLLOW AFTER GOD

 AND PURSUE THE DREAMS GOD HAS PUT IN HIS HEART!