You Can Make it Through Depression and Anxiety

As I sit here this afternoon, a soft breeze blows through the trees, making its way through the open door of my little study and with it the sounds of birds singing. The temperature is just perfect, a typical dry season day here in the Northern Territory.

I sit at my computer, reading over past articles I’ve written and posted on my blog. I glance through the titles of articles written by other men and women that I have saved to my computer for future reference. And as I do, one title jumps off the screen at me.

“Having anxiety or depression doesn’t mean your faith is flawed”.

Upon reading this, I am reminded of a time, 5 short years ago, at this very same time of year, when I began to experience panic attacks and deep dark bouts of depression that saw me spiral down and down to the point that I needed medical help to bring me to a place where I could think straight and focus on what God needed to teach me.

This depression seemed to hit me out of the blue, with no prior warning. We had just returned from an epic camping trip through the deserts of Western Australia and within six months we would celebrate our third daughters’ wedding.

I was suddenly hit by insomnia, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, mood swings and everything seemed to go dark in my world.

I was struggling emotionally on a level I had never experienced before, and I had no idea how to deal with it and neither did my family.

I couldn’t confess to anyone how much I was struggling; I was ashamed and fearful of how I would be viewed. I didn’t want to hear that “you’re just not reading your Bible enough” or “you’re just not praying enough”. And I didn’t want to hear Christian platitudes, that although well-intentioned, are often more harmful than helpful.

Yes, it’s true that “God has a plan” and we should “trust and not worry” and “just have faith” and “pray about it”. But I’ve found that Christians often use these phrases because they don’t know what else to say and they want to sound like they care in a spiritual way, while silently judging the person in need. Do you know how I know this is true? Because I have been guilty of doing the exact same thing.

I had always thought that people who struggled with depression must not be saved. And I was not very compassionate towards those struggling in this way. Weren’t Christians overcomers and not supposed to be filled with anxiety and depression? Wasn’t their faith in God sufficient to keep them from dealing with these sorts of things?

And so, I battled along, hiding my pain, fearful of my future, lonely and hurting. And I managed to, for the most part, put on a brave face on the outside, but on the inside, I was falling apart. I knew I wasn’t okay.

I tried to make it through my days, going through the motions, trying my best to hide what was going on inside, dealing with it as best I could, by trying to distract myself through work or watching a movie or reading a book or trying unsuccessfully to sleep it off.

But the darker it got in my ever-increasing and suffocating world, the deeper I went into the abyss of depression and anxiety. And then the doubts came creeping in. Doubts about my standing with the Lord. Doubts about my salvation. Because, in my mind, how could anyone dealing with depression actually be a Christian?

As I sunk deeper and deeper into the darkest pit I had ever known and as I cried out to God for mercy, I began to study His Word and search for answers. I began to realise that God’s people can go through times of darkness and still be one of his children.

I began to read of the many examples in the Bible of Godly men who went through periods of dark and deep despair. Of course, the main one that stood out to me was King David. Just read through the book of Psalms and you’ll see what I mean.

Psalm 13:1-2 How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?

Psalm 56:8 - Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

David faced many dark days and periods of sadness; he expressed it to God and then got back to his feet and spent time praising God for his goodness to him.

Psalm 13:5-6 But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

Even Moses dealt with despair and wished to die.

Numbers 11:14-15 KJV - I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me. And if thou deal thus with me, kill me, I pray thee, out of hand, if I have found favour in thy sight; and let me not see my wretchedness.

Elijah struggled with dark thoughts and asked God to bring death upon him.

1 Kings 19:4 KJV - But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.

These were heroes of the faith who confessed to God that they would prefer to die rather than live in their current reality. But did you notice that neither were rebuked by God for expressing their feelings or struggling with these thoughts. Instead, they were met with God’s love and God’s provision.

Sadness is not condemned. It is a part of life. Even the Lord Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus.

There are many thoughts on the subject of depression in Christian circles. But we have to realise that God gave us emotions and it is okay to express them. We just have to be careful they don’t control us.

Depression and anxiety are not exclusively a medical issue, and neither are they exclusively an emotional or spiritual issue.

It is not wrong to be depressed. But it is wrong to give up on God when we are depressed. God doesn’t leave us. It is us who walk away from him. He is still there.

Being depressed does not mean we are no longer a child of God.

John 10:27-28 KJV - My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.

Sometimes anxiety and depression are brought about because of sin, but that is not always the case.

Job was tried and proved faithful, but he struggled with dark thoughts “My soul is weary of my life; I will leave my complaint upon myself; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul’. Job 10:1 and yet “In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly” Job 1:22

I thought that because I was faithfully serving the Lord in ministry, spending time in the Word, raising my family according to the Word of God the best I could, having a good relationship with my husband, that I would never face anything so devastating as the period of darkness I went through.

I never dreamed that I would find myself lying on the cold, hard concrete in a darkened storeroom, crying out loudly to God to help me, begging Him for mercy, asking for Him to illuminate my darkness and take away the pain.

But what a work God wanted to do in me. We don’t always understand why God allows us to go through things, and we can’t control our circumstances, but we can always control HOW we respond to them!

God was doing a purifying work in my heart. He saw something in me that needed refining. I had to be taken down into the pits of despair in order to rise up in praise, thanking Him for His amazing goodness to me.

I will admit, I didn’t always respond correctly to the trial, I mostly reacted. But as time went on, and I was able to dig out precious promises in the Word to hold on to, my heart began to change. God began to soften my heart and give me a compassion for others like I’d never had before.

He helped me to look at others with different eyes. And so, I began to pray that no matter what I went through, God would use it to help others, when, and not if, I came through the other side. I came to fully believe that he would help me through.

I asked God that He would use my time of trial to help others. I didn’t want to learn the precious promises found in God’s Word and keep them to myself. I wanted to be able to share them.

And God did a miracle in my heart. I began to have a burden for Ladies Ministry. Something I’d never really been interested in before. I began to desire to minister to other ladies and share what God was teaching me. I longed to have more time to study God’s Word. I craved more quiet time with Him.  I looked forward to time in His Word every day.

My time of not being okay, changed my heart and set me on a path of soul searching and digging into the Word of God regularly, longing to hear from him.  

Did God have to put me through my trial in order for me to look to Him more? Was I trying to do everything in my own strength and God wanted to bring me to a place that would bring me to my knees, at His feet, totally reliant on Him?

I think God was trying to bring the impurities in my life to the surface so he could purge them from my life and make me more like him. He wanted to create in me a compassion for others hurting and struggling. He wanted to throw out the critical spirit that I harboured inside and replace it with love.

So, if you find yourself in a place of darkness today and you are fighting to keep your head above water, remember, it’s okay, not to be okay. There will come times in your life, where everything is not okay, and you struggle on a day-to-day basis. God never promised that the Christian walk would be easy.

John 16:33 - These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

We are told that difficulties will come, and for some, such as myself, times of depression and anxiety will come, no matter how much we strive to be followers of Jesus. No matter how often we spend time in His Word.

But, although there will be times when you’re not okay, you can still look to God and rest in the hope of eternal salvation and his goodness to you.

If you know you’re not okay, then stop, and lay it all out before the Lord. He already knows your heart, and He knows all about it, but He longs for you to come to Him, humbly, submitting to His perfect will and asking Him for help.

We do not have to be perfect to come to God. We can’t be. It’s impossible. We come to Him in our brokenness, and He heals us. We come to Him in our weakness, and He gives us strength.

We can be not okay and still come to God. We can come in our sad and miserable state, and He holds out His arms of mercy and love. We can admit to Him and to others that we are not okay, and He can bring comfort to our weary souls.

Share what you’re feeling with a trusted friend and pray together. Laugh and cry together. It’s really important that you reach out and ask for help. Don’t try and go it alone.

We were never meant to do life alone. God built us for community, and we are to grow in our Christian lives together, building each other up and edifying and encouraging one another.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 KJV - Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.

It’s not easy, sharing my frailties and insecurities like this, but I think it’s so important to be truthful and let others know that although someone may look like they have it all together on the outside, no one is perfect, everyone has times of pain and hurt and there will be times when you’re not okay, and that’s okay.

Just don’t stay there. The only way you’re going to get out of the deep, dark hole of depression and anxiety, is up! There’s no other way. You have to climb up. You have to look up. You have to make a conscious choice to reach out to Jesus and hold to his promises, trusting in his faithfulness and his unconditional love.

Psalm 34:18 KJV - The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

There has to be an upward progression.

You may start on your face in pity and despair.

But rise to your your knees in humility and pour out your heart to God in prayer.

Experience his healing hand on your life. Reach out to him and rest in his everlasting arms.

Then jump to your feet in praise and rejoicing in the victory God has given you!

And once you are on solid ground, get excited about your past victories and share them with others. You never know what an encouragement you might be to someone in a dark place, longing to know if there is hope and life after pain.

Let me tell you, from someone who has been there and come through and up into the light, there is life after pain and hurt and depression and anxiety.

God has given me new breath in my lungs, a new song in my heart, new promises to hold to, and a thankful spirit that wants to shout his praises for all to hear.

Sing along with David, the Psalmist, this song of praise!

Psalm 145:1-21

David's Psalm of praise. I will extol thee, my God, O king; and I will bless thy name for ever and ever. Every day will I bless thee; and I will praise thy name for ever and ever. Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts. I will speak of the glorious honour of thy majesty, and of thy wondrous works. And men shall speak of the might of thy terrible acts: and I will declare thy greatness. They shall abundantly utter the memory of thy great goodness, and shall sing of thy righteousness. The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy. The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works. All thy works shall praise thee, O LORD; and thy saints shall bless thee. They shall speak of the glory of thy kingdom, and talk of thy power; To make known to the sons of men his mighty acts, and the glorious majesty of his kingdom. Thy kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and thy dominion endureth throughout all generations. The LORD upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down. The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thou givest them their meat in due season. Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works. The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them. The LORD preserveth all them that love him: but all the wicked will he destroy. My mouth shall speak the praise of the LORD: and let all flesh bless his holy name for ever and ever.