It’s Okay Not to be Okay

Do you ever go through periods in your life where you’re not okay? You know, deep down inside, you’re not okay. You put on a brave face on the outside, but things are not okay.

Reminds me of a meme I read once. “I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is falling off”.

Ever felt like that? Often times, you hide it so well, no one knows what’s going on. No one realises you’re not okay. You’re too afraid to let it show.

There was a time in my life when this was the case. Things were not okay. I was dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, depression. I felt as if I was falling apart on the inside. I tried to make it through my days, going through the motions, trying my best to hide what was going on inside, dealing with it as best I could, by using distractions and sleep and whatever I felt worked.

But the darker it got in my ever-increasing and suffocating world, the deeper I went into the abyss of depression and anxiety. And then the doubts came creeping in. Doubts about my standing with the Lord. My salvation. Because, in my mind, how could anyone dealing with depression actually be a Christian? Weren’t Christians supposed to not deal with anxiety and panic attacks? Wasn’t their faith in God sufficient to keep them from dealing with these sorts of things?

Prior to my time of deep despair, I didn’t have a compassionate heart towards those Christians that dealt with depression. I thought that perhaps they weren’t Christians after all.

But when I went through this time, and as I cried out to God for mercy, as I began to study His Word and search for answers, I began to realise that God’s people can go through times of darkness and still be saved.

I began to read of the many examples in the Bible of Godly men who went through periods of dark and deep despair. Of course, the main one that stood out to me was King David. Just read through the book of Psalms and you’ll see what I mean.

David was known as a man after God’s own heart, and yet, he faced depression. He faced dark thoughts, times of hardship, times of fear and anxiety. But something I love about his life, is that he didn’t stay there. He didn’t stay in his deep, dark pit.

Have a look at Psalm 13 with me.

Psalm 13:1-6 How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?

How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;

Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.

But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.

I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

Do you notice the progression in these verses?

In the first 2 verses, David is on his face in pity. Woe is me. He’s sorrowful. He’s having his own pity party. He feels like God has left him.

But in verse 3, he begins to pray. He asks God to consider and hear him. He is now on his knees in prayer.

And in the last 2 verses, he’s on his feet in praise! He’s rejoicing!

Face. Knees. Feet.

An upward progression.

The only way you’re going to get out of the deep, dark hole of depression and anxiety, is up! There’s no other way. You have to climb up. You have to look up.

And the one we look to, is Jesus.

I thought that because I was faithfully serving the Lord in ministry, taking time to spend time with the Lord, raising my family according to the Word of God the best I could, having a good relationship with my husband, that I would never face anything so devastating as the period of darkness I went through.

I never dreamed that I would find myself lying on the cold, hard ground in a darkened storeroom, crying out loudly to God to help me, begging Him for mercy, asking for Him to illuminate my darkness.

But what a work God wanted to do in me. We don’t always understand why God allows us to go through things, and we can’t control our circumstances, but we can always control HOW we respond to them!

God was doing a purifying work in my heart. He saw something in me that needed refining. I had to be taken down into the pits of despair in order to rise up in praise, thanking Him for His amazing goodness to me.

I will admit, I didn’t always respond correctly to the trial, I mostly reacted. But as time went on, and I was able to dig out precious promises in the Word to hold on to, my heart began to change. God began to soften my heart and give me compassion for others like I’d never had before.

He helped me to look at others with different eyes. And so, I began to pray that no matter what I went through, God would use it to help others, when I came through the other side. I asked God that He would use my time of trial to help others. I didn’t want to learn the precious promises found in God’s Word and keep them to myself. No.  I wanted to be able to share them. I wanted to have compassion for others.

And God did a miracle in my heart. I began to have a burden for Ladies Ministry. Something I’d never really been interested in before. I began to desire to minister to other ladies and share what God was teaching me. I longed to have more time to study God’s Word. I craved more quiet time with Him.  I looked forward to time in His Word every day.

My time of not being okay, actually turned into a blessing.

Did God have to put me through my trial in order for me to look to Him more? Was I trying to do everything in my own strength and God wanted to bring me to a place that would bring me to my knees, at His feet, totally reliant on Him?

I have my own thoughts as to what God was trying to teach me, and the reasons why He chose for me to go down deeper and stay down longer than ever before. But even if we don’t know why a trial comes, the most important thing is the lesson we learn from it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s okay, not to be okay. There will come times in your life, where everything is not okay and you struggle on a day to day basis. God never promised that the Christian walk would be easy.

John 16:33 - These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

We are told that difficulties will come, and for some, such as myself, times of depression and anxiety will come, no matter how much we strive to be followers of Jesus. No matter how often we spend time in His Word.

But it’s okay. We don’t have to be afraid to let others know that we’re not okay. We all deal with things. Everyone goes through difficult times. But if we never share some of what we’re dealing with, how will those close to us know what to pray about? How will they know how to help? You don’t have to tell all the details of your particular trial, but I think it’s important to let someone know you’re not okay so that they can know better how to pray and how to help.

When I was going through my difficult time, I had 2 ladies who daily encouraged me with scripture and words of help and checked in on me, and loved me enough to ask how I was, and offer to pray with me. They had compassion. They showed a compassion for me that I had never shown to others. They cared. And while I give God all the glory for my deliverance, I thank God for those ladies who set aside time to help a friend in need.

So, if you find yourself, right now, struggling to keep your head above water, if you know you’re not okay, then stop, and lay it all out before the Lord. He already knows our hearts, and He knows all about it, but He longs for us to come to Him, humbly, submitting to His perfect will and asking Him for help.

We do not have to be perfect to come to God. We can’t be. It’s impossible. We come to Him in our brokenness, and He heals us. We come to Him in our weakness, and He gives us strength.

We can be not okay and still come to God. We can come in our sad and sorry state and He holds out His arms of mercy and love. We can admit to Him and to others that we are not okay and He can bring comfort to our weary souls.

It hasn’t been easy, sharing my frailties and insecurities like this, but I think it’s so important to be truthful and let others know that although someone may look like they have it all together on the outside, no one is perfect and there will be times when you’re not okay, and that’s okay.

Just bring your burdens to the Lord and leave them there. Let Him lead you out of the darkness. Let His light guide your path. Let His Words fill your mind. Let His peace flood your soul.

Philippians 4:7  - And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.