My Testimony of Salvation
Growing
up in a Christian home, a Pastor’s kid and the daughter of missionaries, I was
blessed to hear the gospel on a very regular basis. I think I can probably
count on one hand the number of times that I actually missed a church service.
I had heard the gospel message at home and at church and the Godly example of my
parents showed me what walking with the Lord was like and what it meant to be a
Christian. I will be forever thankful for that legacy.
Being
taught from a very young age the truths of the Bible, I knew exactly what I had
to do to be saved. I understood there was a heaven and a hell and that there
was a loving God, the creator of the universe, that had died on the cross, making
a way for me to come to him and be saved from eternal damnation and granting me
an eternity in his presence.
I
remember clearly, at the age of 5, playing outside with my sister and one of
her school friends. We were sitting under a tree, digging in the dirt, when my
sister started to tell her friend of her need to ask Jesus into her heart. I
was so afraid of going to hell, that right then and there, with the little
understanding I had, I called on the Lord to forgive me and save me from
eternal punishment.
I
was baptised soon after, alongside others, in our backyard pool, and gave
public testimony of my newfound faith.
Life
didn’t really change for me for the next few years. I heard the Bible stories,
committed Bible verses to memory, was corrected for wrong behaviour and
disciplined accordingly, being reminded of my sin and how it made God feel and
the need to repent and confess.
Over
the years that followed, there were many times that I doubted my salvation. I
would feel as though maybe I wasn’t saved, and I’d pray for the Lord to save me
again.
It
was such a great blessing to be brought up in a Christian home, shielded and
protected from so much of the pain and sorrow that a child of unsaved parents
may face. But because of being saved at such a young age, I often felt I didn't
have a ‘share worthy’ testimony of deliverance from sin and wickedness.
Growing
up in the 70s and 80s, I listened repeatedly to the testimonies of people
rescued from a life of sin and destruction, drugs and alcohol abuse and
immorality. I heard of the amazing change in their lives that took place at
salvation and the workings of the Holy Spirit.
I
heard them tell of the burdens being lifted, the chains being loosed, and I
wondered if I had really understood enough about salvation to have really,
truly, have asked Jesus into my life. I hadn’t experienced any of those changes
as I hadn’t lived a life of rebellion and wickedness, and so I wasn’t sure that
I had been redeemed, justified, freed, accepted, loved.
But
as the years went by, and as I began to grow in my Christian walk, and gain more
light, understanding and knowledge, my doubts began to fade away. When I looked
at the fruit in my life and my desire to do what was right, and my baby steps
of growth, I realised that God had saved me miraculously from a life of sin and
a whole lot of trouble that could have been mine, had I not made that decision
to become a child of God at such an early age.
I
came to understand that even a young child can have enough light to understand
the basics of salvation and realise their need for a Saviour, despite not
knowing the meaning of words like sanctification and justification.
Sadly,
as I grew into my teen years, my spiritual growth waxed and waned, depending on
current circumstances.
When
I went through a couple of years with ill health, I grew in the Lord, because
my circumstances forced me to cling to him and cry out for help. I read my
Bible more, prayed more, learnt more.
But,
when times were good, I got slack and just coasted along. Yes, I was very busy
in the church, playing the piano, teaching Sunday School, and helping with the
ministries of the church. But I didn’t have a thriving, deep relationship with
the Lord. So, God sent along a few years of ill health once more. This again
drove me to my knees in prayer and I spent many hours reading my Bible, and
good Godly books, and writing down what I was learning.
Fast
forward 10 years, and after another trial in the form of depression, anxiety
and panic attacks, I sit before you today, a changed woman. God has worked in my
heart and life in such a way, that I marvel not only at his goodness, but at
his longsuffering. He never gave up on me, even though I drifted along, content
in my eternal security, not desiring to go deeper with him.
The
months of depression I lived through drew me once again to my knees. I realised
I needed to deepen my relationship with God, I needed to feed on his Word, and
cry out to him. He was the only one that could get me through and meet all my
emotional, physical, mental and spiritual needs.
And
he did. God has taken me down some very dark and fearsome roads and yet, he has
never once left my side. He has been with me all the way.
I
have gone from being a ‘surface’ Christian, content to coast along, not really
learning anything new, in the Word, but not IN the Word – to a woman who
longs to be close to the Lord. Desiring nothing better than spending time with him,
learning from him, digging deeper into the Words of scripture, longing to know more
so that I can grow more, love him more, love others more, share more.
God
has given me a burning passion to dig into the treasures of the Word of God, soaking
in every letter, every sentence, every phrase, so that I will know how to live
my life and I will be able to share it with those around me.
God
has also given me a passion for ministry through writing and speaking. I long
to share God’s goodness with others and I’m excited to teach others what I am learning.
When God shows me some truth in his Word, I want to shout it from the rooftops.
Even when it’s something that hits hard and convicts me, I want to make sure
others are aware of what the Bible says and how we can learn from it and grow
in our relationship with him.
I
rejoice in the goodness of God. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am
one of his children, and that nothing, no NOTHING, can ever change that!
I will forever be held in his hand. Nothing can separate me from his love.
I
am not so naïve to think that all my dark days are behind me, but I know that because
of my past victories, God is able to bring me through again.
I
have more weapons in my armoury, I have strength that once was weakness, I have
desire where once there was apathy, I have passion where once there was indifference.
I have God’s Word hidden in my heart and before my eyes. Ready to battle anything
I need to face. And I have the Holy Spirit, working in my life, speaking to me,
teaching, comforting, convicting, guiding, leading, and interceding on my behalf.
Praise God he
defeated death! He rose up from the grave! He set the captive free! He did it
for me and he can do it for you!
Psalm 35:9
And my soul
shall be joyful in the LORD: it shall rejoice in his salvation.
Jillian Holmes 29.9.23