Looking for love in all the wrong places

 

After my last short post, I sensed the Holy Spirit speaking to me and leading me to write a little more on this topic of letting God meet your emotional needs.

This post is more targeted towards women, because we are the more emotional of the species and struggle the most when it comes to being ‘needy’ in this area.

If you are a man reading this, please don’t let this put you off. The so called ‘pink’ passages we find in the Word of God are just as needed as the others. And we can benefit from both. God didn’t choose to hide emotions behind a curtain, you only have to read the Psalms to know this. And he wants us to read the whole Bible, not just the parts we think apply to us.

Also, men, I am sure that you have a mother or sister or aunties or friends that could benefit from what God has taught me and what I want to share with any who will listen. Feel free to pass it on.

So, let’s get up close and personal, and as I share with you my experience, search your heart and ask God to speak to you.  

A few years back I began to feel frustrated with my husband. At the time, I was battling through dark depression, panic attacks, anxiety, fear and worry. I started to feel let down and hurt by my husband’s seemingly indifference to my plight. He just wasn’t meeting all my emotional needs. My tank was sitting on empty and the dregs that lay on the bottom were just not cutting it.

I asked myself, “why couldn’t he communicate like I needed him to? Why couldn’t he just say the words I needed to hear? Why couldn’t he hold me when I needed to be held? Why did he stay silent when I needed comfort and reassurance?”

What I was doing was tearing at the very fabric of my marriage and it wasn’t doing it any good. I was basically asking my husband to be God. Because, only God can meet all of our emotional needs, and by me expecting this of my husband, I was putting unbelievable pressure on him and causing him to retreat even further into his cave, the cave I had caused him to carve out just to be able to cope.

Sometimes I would wait for my husband to come home after a long day of work, eager to ‘pour out my heart’ to him, longing to share with him what was on my heart and mind, needing to unload and have him fill me up, only to find myself frustrated because he was weary, hungry and ready to relax and not yet ready for deep communication.

I had no idea of the pressures he’d been under that day and so I couldn’t predict how he would react or how my sharing would come across. And more often than not, it sounded demanding, critical and laced with an ungrateful spirit.  

I was making his life difficult simply by expecting him to meet all my needs. I wanted and expected him to be there - physically present, emotionally available and spiritually strong.

And you know what? I was disappointed. I was unhappy that my needs were not being met to my standards. Not because he was a failure. No. He really did try to make the best of a bad situation. I expected him to be as perfect and righteous as God. What an unrealistic expectation!

I am glad to say that God changed my heart and repentance came. It took a while, a lot longer than it should have, but I came to realise through soaking my soul in the Word of God, that it was only God that could meet all my needs.

Any time I felt alone, any time I needed to feel loved, appreciated, heard, I could run to him, and he would be there. He would always be present. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Hebrews 13:5b ….for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee

I began to draw on the deep wells of Christ’s love and compassion. I began to rely on him more and more to meet my needs.

When I took my expectation of emotional fulfilment off my husband, I freed him up to become a better communicator. He could see that I was growing in my walk with Christ, and I was less clingy, less attention seeking, more stable and less moody. The pressure was off. He didn’t have to feel like a well that I was running dry by my constant drawing.

He needed time to replenish and renew and refresh so that he could meet the needs he was able to and leave the rest to God.

He knew, better than I did, that what I needed was the Lord. What I needed was to deepen my relationship with God and lean on him. My husband could only do so much as he is human too and has needs of his own. But the Lord is completely whole, without need of any support. He can give us his full attention. At any time.

He will never leave us. He will never lie to us. He will never misunderstand us. He will always be approachable. He will always listen to us. He will always want what is best for us.

Sometimes we long to have someone to share our deepest thoughts with, our hopes and dreams. Our fears and worries. If you’re married, I trust and pray that you are able to do this with your spouse. But there are times when this is not possible simply because of physical distance or a difficult day at work and one or the other feeling completely drained and incapable of communicating on a deeper level.

Or maybe you’re single and don’t have a good support group of fellow Christians that you can call on at a moment’s notice to meet a need you have or help you through a difficult time.

Whatever the case may be, I’m here to tell you that there is someone that can meet every one of your needs. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. EVERY one of them! And that person is the Lord Jesus Christ.

Yes, he is the only one that can meet ALL of your needs.

Your relationship with him is of utmost importance. It needs feeding, watering, nourishing.

There is an old love song, written many years ago, called, “Looking for love in all the wrong places” and it came to mind as I was writing this.

So many times, we look for love in all the wrong places. We go searching for things that satisfy when all the while, God is standing there with open arms, waiting for us to turn to him.

He watches as we go from one thing to another. Searching and left wanting. He sees us expect too much of our friends and family, hoping they’ll fill the void that only he can fill.

We look to one person, or many, to fulfil us. We are trying to get water from people as empty as us. It’s a never-ending game of ‘rob the nest’ (for those who grew up playing games at Youth Group.) We’re never really satisfied.

The Psalms are full of laments and crying out to God. We read so many times of difficulties, strong emotions, tears, despair, and yet we also read of hope and love and compassion.

As the Psalmist pours out his heart to God, we see God bring comfort. We see restoration. We see renewal and refreshment.

And not from the hands of men, but from the very hand of God.

Psalm 62:8 KJV - Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.

This verse tells us to POUR out our hearts to God. Pour it out. All of it. Not just a little. Not half-hearted. Not accidentally. No. Willingly pour it out. We are to trust him, and we know we can, as he is completely trustworthy, and then we are to pour our heart out to him.

How about pouring your heart out to the Lord first, before anyone else? And then asking the Lord for discernment in what you should say, and how much you should say and when you should say it. How about asking God to fill you up?

Why pour out your heart to God? Because he is the only one who can meet all your needs.

Take a few moments to read these precious promises to us.

He comforts me when I’m hurting

2 Corinthians 1:3 KJV - Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;

He understands me and knows my deepest thoughts

Psalm 139:2 KJV - Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.

He is always there, even if I try to run from him

Psalm 139:7-10 KJV - Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

He thinks good thoughts of me

Psalm 139:17 KJV - How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

He always listens –

Psalm 5:3 KJV - My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.

He is easy to approach –

Hebrews 4:16 KJV - Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

God won’t be frightened off by your moodiness, your attitude, your lack of communication. God loves you unconditionally. He will continue to love you even when you are unlovable and disobedient to him. God will never cast you aside. God will never overlook you. You will always be welcome, and he will always be there waiting to meet your needs.

Set those you love free from your lofty expectations. And trust in God.

Take comfort in knowing that the love we receive from God is unparalleled, unmatched, unsurpassed, unrivalled, unequalled and incomparable!

Embrace the love he offers you, celebrate the life that lies ahead of you, and live for the one who awaits you in Heaven, an eternity in his presence.

Let him fill you up!